


Both Ends of The Rope

by Rocketbalm



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Supernatural Big Bang 2011
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-12
Updated: 2011-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-21 07:25:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 45,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/222460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocketbalm/pseuds/Rocketbalm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles was his own man and nothing like his father and to make sure of that he leaves home as soon as he can to make his own way in the world.  When his father dies suddenly and under strange circumstances, Jensen begins a journey that takes him from Cabo up the coast of Mexico to LA in an 85’ yacht he inherited.  His instant dislike for the Yacht’s captain, Jared Padalecki, is as intense as the pull of attraction to him is.  Things don’t get easier when they determine that Jared holds the key to his father’s strange death and Jensen’s future.  Coming to terms with discovering that everything he was running from, turns out to be exactly who he is, is the hardest thing Jensen ever has to face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Acknowledgements:  
> First without tularia’s help and encouragement this story would be a grammatical nightmare. Even when her own life is so busy and stressful she can’t see straight, she cheerfully took on being my beta again this year (I don’t dare tell her I think she’s crazy or she might not put up with me again next year).
> 
> Seriously, I don’t know what I would do without her. Every year I tell myself I will do better with my commas and semi-colons and somehow I still manage to get more wrong than I do right and she comes in behind me and mops up the mess. She is amazingly patient and a beautiful person to boot. Any mistakes you find are mine and mine alone, because let’s face it I can’t keep my sticky fingers out of it. Tu – you rock and thank you so incredibly much.
> 
> Secondly to lapillus, she came on board late in the game to pinch-hit the art for my story even though she had some pretty big things going on in her own life. I love what she did from the novel cover, to the icons and dividers. Her willingness to jump in and help, provide tips and info were invaluable. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please go and give her some love for her amazing artwork.
> 
> To the amazing Big Bang Mods, you take this all on and pull it off every year in what looks seamlessly from the outside, but I know comes with a lot of organization and hard work. Thanks for all you do. I do this challenge every year because it’s so well run and well managed.

 

 

 

It was hard to imagine a more bittersweet moment.  The man he’d spent most of his life measuring himself against, the man he most wanted to prove himself to and gain the respect of, had with one offhanded comment changed the direction of Jensen’s life, forever altering who he thought he was going to be.  It also gave him the freedom he craved to do something else, choose a different path, and be known as someone other than Alan Ackles’ son and heir.

They had never been close. Not really.  His father worked hard and demanded devotion from those close to him, including his wife, and their two children: Jensen his son and heir and their daughter Mackenzie, daddy’s little girl.  He was an uncompromising parent in private and a magnanimous one in public.  Always knowing how to utilize the power of perception, he brought ‘looking good’ to a whole new level. 

When he was younger, all Jensen Ackles had wanted was for his dad to notice him, to be interested in what he was doing.  When it became clear that wasn’t the dad he got, he became determined to be what his dad wanted -- smart, well behaved and ambitious.  Once he figured out the criteria for his dad’s approval, he set out to make sure that he did everything in his power to meet it.  Even if it meant that he took interest in the family business instead of going into the arts for a music degree, or sports medicine and working with athletes where his true passion lay. 

Jensen had spent so much time learning how to be a man just like his father to gain his approval that it wasn’t until his second year in college that he was aware that his interests lay more toward men than to women.  He’d had girlfriends before, but sex never seemed as exciting as everyone claimed it was.  At first he chalked it up to male braggadocio, but he had to rule that out when the mere act of stumbling on gay porn got him revved up more than anything he’d done with any of the girls he’d been with.  Even then it was less of a shock than one might expect for a good Christian boy from Texas.  Growing up with his father, he always had known that when he married, it would be for political or business alliances rather than love.  Being gay was just an inconvenience to that plan, but not necessarily something that would ultimately get in its way.

That didn’t mean that Jensen was ignorant or unsympathetic to the challenges and inequality that gay people faced, not only in Texas, but across the country.  Quite the opposite was true.  He felt very strongly that, though perhaps not in his future, people should have the right to love and marry regardless of their sexual orientation and he discreetly supported gay rights with healthy anonymous donations when he took control of his trust fund on his twenty-first birthday` .  He just didn’t feel the need to throw his life away by making his sexuality a public issue.

Which was why when his father made an offhand comment at the family Sunday dinner Jensen realized that no matter how hard he worked to follow in his fathers footsteps, underneath the commonality of business, drive and ambition, they were intrinsically different on a fundamental level, one that Jensen couldn’t compromise even as he suppressed his natural inclination toward men.

“The company is going to come out in support of Jack Whiting for governor.  His platform is strongly against the gays getting a civil union, let alone tarnishing the institution of marriage and then wanting to have children.  We need to be behind him a hundred percent.”

Jensen controlled his reaction, looking around the table and seeing his sister and mother placidly nodding in agreement as they did with most anything he said.  Jensen calmly finished wine, while inside he felt a strange buzzing under his skin, like in that instant something in his very being changed.  It was clear that there was no swaying his father with reasoned arguments, nor did he want to.  He realized in that moment that no matter how hard he tried, on a base level his father would never, couldn’t in fact, embrace who he was.  In the quiet calculating way he learned from his father, he began in that moment preparing his exit strategy from heir apparent to the company his father and grandfather had built from nothing to a multi-million dollar enterprise to the rest of his life.

If he only had known how closely he would follow in his fathers footsteps, eventually coming full circle to end up exactly where he began, he might have fought harder to make a the break more significant.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

His father was dead, found in the condo he kept in town for those nights he stayed late at the office or at some business dinner and didn’t want to make the long drive out to his multimillion-dollar estate in the suburbs.  The coroner deemed it an accidental overdose of his prescription meds due to drug interactions.  Damn.  This was not how Jensen had ever hoped to gain control of the family business.  Hell after he decided to make his own way after college, he never wanted it at all.  Now as scandal threatened to swirl around his family and the company Jensen knew that not returning was just not an option anymore.  Family was still family and his mother and sister didn’t deserve the shit storm that threatened to break over their corner of the world.

He still couldn’t believe the man was gone.  Alan Ackles had always seemed so much larger than life, his presence filling up any room he was in so it felt as if he pressed in all around you making it hard to breathe.  Even with him gone Jensen felt that familiar pressure in his chest as he thought of his father.  There was lingering speculation that it was not accidental, that his father was dead and by his own hand.  Jensen wouldn’t have thought it possible, but with one of Houston’s toughest investigative reporters snooping around the family company and rumors of impropriety, Jensen could see how someone that didn’t know the man well could think that the old man would end things rather than be humiliated in the press or being stripped of the company he loved.  No matter how distant his relationship was with his father had become; he couldn’t believe that his father had taken his own life.  It was hard enough just to believe he’d mistakenly confused his meds. 

Jensen’s phone hadn’t stopped ringing since the news broke.  His sister demanding that he come home, his mother pleading with him in her quiet way to do the same.  The media coverage was relentless.  Reporters desperately trying to get a different angle to a story that was being repeated on what seemed like an endless loop in Houston.  The national news gave it brief airtime, just long enough for it to register with Jensen’s acquaintances around LA.  Hell, the guy that detailed his car even commented on the news.  It was enough to make Jensen retreat in on himself even more than usual.

Never one to be outgoing to begin with, he was even more reticent as he worked to shuffle his schedule for the next few weeks so he could go home and sort out his father’s affairs.  Every so often he’d pause for a breath, alternating between shocked numbness and focused determination.  It wasn’t until his partner knocked quietly on the door that he realized the office was quiet and most everyone had gone home.  Not waiting for an answer, Jeff opened the door and sat in the leather chair across from Jensen with a sigh.  “You’re scaring everyone with the stoic act,” Jeff said, sliding a steaming cup of Jensen’s favorite blend across the desk in front of him.

Jensen glanced up raising an eyebrow before nodding thanks for the coffee as he slurped the scalding liquid.  “I don’t know about stoic.  Surprised, maybe.  Freaked out, probably.  Wanting to high-tail it in the opposite direction of this whole mess, most definitely.”

Jeff chuckled.  He probably knew Jensen better than anyone else in the world.  Twelve years his senior, he had been a guest lecturer at Jensen’s college, turned mentor, then father figure – albeit a young one – and eventually business partner.  He was the one person that could navigate Jensen’s many moods and get him to look at things from another perspective.  His gregarious nature paired well with Jensen’s more natural reserve when it came to business and in private, he was one of the few that were privy to Jensen’s quick wit and dry humor that was tempered with warmth and affection.

He was the one person Jensen trusted fully and the one of the few out of many acquaintances he called friend. He never stopped trying to get Jensen to find someone to love and be loved by, but Jensen didn’t believe he could have that.  Not that he lived in the closet, he was just very discreet in a way that a full-blown relationship couldn’t be.  His sexuality and private life was not for public consumption and while never spoken about, his family knew, but chose to ignore the fact that he was gay.

“The business will be fine without you for as long as you need Jensen.  The expansion doesn’t have to happen next quarter; we can put it off indefinitely if we have to.  We need you to go, deal with the shitty hand the old man left you.  Until then, go home and find closure.  Be the savior, play dutiful son and then come back home here where you belong.”

Jensen knew he was right.  The business was far ahead of projections; he could leave everything in Jeff’s hands for a couple of months if he had to.  He really, really hoped he didn’t have to.


	3. Chapter 3

 

The deck was still relatively cool under his feet, the sun not yet high enough to allow it to store residual heat.  Another beautiful day in Cabo, but then there were very few days that weren’t beautiful.  Even the stormy season held its own charm.  Today the cloudless sky was vacation brochure blue filled with beautiful sunshine and just enough of a warm breeze for it not to be too stifling as the day grew hotter.  It was hard not to love the beauty of life here.

Jared had finished his topside check and sent Nando to pick up supplies. Slipping on his flip flops, grabbing his wallet and keys, he left the 85 ft yacht to make his way through the locked gate that separated multi-million dollar boats from the tourista parts of the marina and promenade that surrounded it.  He gave a mock salute to Neto, who stood guard in his dress white shorts and hat, matched with a dark navy shirt, complete with gold braid.  Neto saluted back, his grin startlingly white against his dark skin. 

It was second nature for Jared to wave or smile to everyone he came across, most of the regulars in the Marina knew him as El Árbol del Tule after the giant Tule tree, largest in the world, though most called him Tule Blanco.  In the afternoons children who came with their grandparents to sell crafts to tourists would call out to him knowing he always had a sweet or a peso in his pocket for them.  In return the locals embraced Tule as one of their own, like a slow second cousin, someone to be doted on and protected because of their naïveté. Not that he was naïve, it was more that he wasn’t a local, but they loved him nonetheless.

Jared didn’t mind.  He loved the Mexican culture, the way they honored the family unit and worked to a common good for everyone in the household.  He loved their smiling, hard working nature and their industriousness.  Growing up in San Antonio, Texas he was familiar with Mexican families, but didn’t really know any in his white suburban neighborhood.  It was common to hear the racial slurs and the stereotype of lazy Mexican or wetback.  What he had experienced was far from that.  He was always surprised at how a group of people could make so much out of next to nothing.  The poverty here saddened him, as it would anywhere, but their happy nature was so engaging he couldn’t help but smile along. 

Leaving the promenade, he made his way to Rosita’s, grabbing a _USA Today_ from the local newsstand, pausing to slip Pedro, the vendor’s mutt, a bit of jerky as he passed.  Luisa had a coffee ready for him before he had fully sat down in his seat.  “Mama, Jared is here.  He is hungry, no?”  She asked rhetorically.  Luisa took every opportunity to chat with Jared in English hoping to make her way to Hollywood one day, despite how much Jared tried to dissuade her. 

Mama Rosita came out of the kitchen with a plate full of Mexican and American dishes piled high.  “Tule, eat.  You make Mama happy and clean the plate, si?”

“Si Mama, your food is as beautiful as your Luisa,” Jared said, reaching for hot churros and licking the sticky honey from his fingers.

Mama snorted at the daily banter, “and twice as rich as Luisa, if she were as rich, she would be making movies with Madonna.”

Luisa rolled her eyes as she cleared a nearby table, “Madonna is a singer, Mama.”

“Ah but she make a movie too, no?  More money than brains, not like my Luisa.  She have all the brains and no money.” 

The three of them laughed as if they hadn’t run the same joke almost every morning for months now.

Jared tucked into the food; savoring the rich flavors as he open the paper to find out what was going on stateside.

He liked to read the paper cover to cover, not because he missed home, but because he felt the need to keep up on what was going on in the world out of fear, given the chance he knew he could lose himself to the easy, laidback lifestyle of Cabo.  He couldn’t afford that.  There were still too many things he wanted to do in his life.

He hadn’t set out to be a yacht captain, but a lifetime of being on the water, working every type of boat as everything from a junior deckhand to first mate made him choose the Maritime Academy at Texas A&M.  After four years, exceptional recommendations and a lucky college connection got him a dream job and not a lot of motivation to do anything else.  It wasn’t that he didn’t love his job – he did – he just wanted to do other things too.  Getting too comfortable meant that he might miss out on something else.

He’d almost finished the newspaper when he saw it, the name Ackles drawing his eye.  A small blurb on Alan Ackles, CEO of Ackles Engineering’s passing a few days before.  There weren’t many details, but there didn’t have to be.  A wave of sorrow hit Jared quickly, the food in his stomach turning to lead just as fast.  Alan Ackles had always treated him with a gruff sort of warmth.  He was an exacting boss, but one that was fair and gave praise in equal measure as a rebuke.  Not only did Jared find it easy to work for him, he felt a strange affinity to him as a person.  Jared would miss him.

Leaving Luisa a generous tip, he slipped the paper under his arm and slowly made his way back to the yacht.  Almost as an afterthought Jared wondered what would become of his job.


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

He arrived late the evening before the funeral. He’d only seen his mother once since his sister’s wedding three years before and the scene was as uncomfortable as he imagined it would be with his mother weeping quietly, though clearly grateful that he came.  His sister was clearly unhappy with him, keeping him at arms length and making sure that he felt her discontent. He hadn’t realized his sister had resented his absence so much.  For the first time he started to question how he had left, and what he’d left behind.

The next morning the siblings had settled into a quiet truce, to honor their father and set their differences aside.  Jensen’s brother-in-law Aaron was also a vice president at the company and acted as a buffer between everyone.  Caring for each of them separately by offering soothing words to his mother, calming strength to his wife and acting as composed advisor for Jensen, he proved to Jensen without a doubt the character of the man and why his sister had married him.

Each of them had their own moments of tears or disbelief, not helped by the media coverage that was painful and relentless.  The funeral was to be held in the same church he had been a member of all his life, a church Elder for half that.  Had the coroner ruled that his death was not accidental, his church would have viewed his death an unredeemable sin and the funeral would have been forbidden by his church and shunned by the congregation. There was nothing quite like self-righteous Christians who preached forgiveness, but secretly hoped for their peers to fall. 

The funeral, while a private affair, was still fairly large with close friends, family and business associates -- some of the Houston elite and most politically influential -- turning up en masse.  Though he knew what to expect, watching the number of people that filed into the church for the service was astounding.  For a moment he was that awkward eighteen-year-old again, trying to make his father proud, without losing his own identity. As the newly minted head of the family he walked in with his mother on his arm, his sister on the other side with her husband.  His mother held herself with the composed strength that was bred into southern women and Jensen wondered briefly if she wasn’t supporting him far more than he could support her. 

Settling on the familiar wooden pews, the next hour passed in a blur.  Jensen fell into the routine of Southern Baptist service that had been ingrained into him as a child.  As much as he left organized religion at the same time he left his father’s watchful eye, he now found solace in the ritual.  It didn’t need any thought; there was comfort in the familiar. It reminded him why people turn to their faith in times of crisis: the familiarity and sense of belonging.  When he was younger, he remembered his grandmother always making sure she sat between Jensen and his father on the hard wooden pew every Sunday, sneaking him sweets from her pocket and smiling as his voice, rose sweet and clear as he sung hymns with more passion for the music than the words.  She shielded him from his father’s unforgiving eye when he fidgeted restlessly, the gentle touch of her hand soothing him.

Now his father was gone, there was no one to glare when his leg bounced nervously, no one to preen with pride at the flawless image projected by his family and no one to nod solemnly as the words of salvation and redemption rose above the congregation.

Between the service and the cemetery, Jensen didn’t remember much; faces and names mostly a blur.  His responses slipped from his mouth without much thought, accepting condolences and offering thanks by rote.  Hours later, exhausted, he accepted a double Jack and Coke from Aaron when they returned to the family home.  After a day surrounded by people, suddenly the four of them found themselves alone again.  While the day had started with unease, it had faded as they found strength together sharing their grief and comfort.  The stillness that settled over them this time gave them a kind a peace in the knowledge that if nothing else they had each other. 

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

The days after the funeral were filled with meetings with lawyers.  As the largest single shareholder in Ackles Engineering, he met with his father’s executive board and began rebuilding relationships with the people he left behind years ago.  It seemed at every turn someone or something would come to surprise him.  Jensen shouldered the burden, though it often chafed how easily he was fitting the mold his father had always tried to force him into.

Each step in the grieving process felt as if they’d reached closure only to find that the next step brought on a new set of feelings and grief with it.  The reading of his father’s will was no different.  For such a large estate it was fairly uneventful, everything laid out as expected; special bequests to longtime staff and a few personal friends.  In addition to everything else there was a bequest of a yacht to Jensen. Curious only because Jensen had given up his junior membership in the yacht club years ago when his father had come down hard on him for placing second in a regatta, ‘allowing’ a business competitor’s son win the race.  He’d never sailed again, though his love of the ocean had never wavered.  What he was going to do with an 85-foot motor cruiser, he couldn’t imagine.

While his mother didn’t know anything about the bequests, she didn’t seem surprised.  Her acceptance of so many things that struck Jensen as out of the norm for his father, made Jensen start to question his own recollections of the man. Jensen began to wonder if his parent’s seemingly perfect marriage was another one of those things of his father’s that was an imagined projected to the public and not the reality.  Though the love his mother felt for his father was still evident in everything she did.

His father’s shares of the company automatically turned over to Jensen at his death and it fell to him to bolster the battered company and steer it through the rough waters of transition and weather whatever media shit storm was brewing. He didn’t have any great love for the company itself; a great monolith of Houston industry, taking on engineering contracts for multi-billion dollar oil conglomerates, but he did feel it was what he should do to honor his grandfather who started the company after the great depression and ran with people that he treated as family. Some of those original employees had sons, daughters and even grandchildren working for Ackles Engineering Inc., so he felt he owed it to them to run the company until he could leave it stable and in capable hands.  He also owed it to his mother to preserve the legacy and afford her the same standing in Houston society that she had held for so many years and to leave a legacy that his sister and her future children deserved.


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

After the first few days at home Jensen realized he needed to do something that brought back some semblance of normalcy to his world.  He’d grown up at his father’s company, interned there in his summer holidays learning the business from the bottom.  Coupled with what he learned during the last ten years building his own company provided Jensen with a strong foundation to quickly come up to speed on what was going on at a high level in the company.  Being a privately held company, the shares were distributed mainly through family, with a lesser portion to long-term employees.  Having inherited his father’s shares automatically made him the majority shareholder, and while he could essentially take over the company, he felt strongly that the continuity of the executive would be the better option.  He would become the interim CEO while they looked for someone to fill that role. That would leave him the role of Chairman of the Board, which while still a big commitment, would allow him to manage things at an arms length and he could return to California.

As he walked through the company’s head office, memories of his childhood, both good and bad came rushing back.  So many things had changed in the last ten years, but many more were still the same.  His father’s executive assistant Ginger had taken over for Doreen, the assistant Jensen remembered, but many other of the executive assistants had been there when he was a child.  They clucked around him like mother hens as he walked the executive floor.  Most of the other employees were hesitant at first to approach him, his quiet demeanor keeping them at bay, making his days lonely for the most part.

Riding the elevator, a steaming coffee in his hand, he watched the numbers slowly climb higher as the elevator rose, the door opening and closing allowing passengers to get on and off.  Jensen took advantage of the fact that no one ever approached him in the elevator and he let his mind wander as he infused his body with much needed caffeine.

“Well if it isn’t little Jensen Ackles all grown up.”  Was all he heard before being smothered in a bear hug.  Startled out of his routine ride, he pulled back to see one of his dad’s oldest friends, Bobby Singer.  A little bit more grey and little more meat around his middle, but everything else was just as Jensen had remembered.

“Uncle Bobby,” he said grinning before being washed with shame for not having called the man that had been such a big part of his life growing up.  Blushing, he reached up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Just Bobby son, we’re both men here,” he said with a smile, looking as he always had, more good old boy than company executive.  “Don’t go being bashful around me, I tanned your hide enough times that we’re way past that.”  He was exaggerating of course.  Uncle Bobby was more likely to shield him from any reprimand his father was going to mete out than give him more than a swat on his butt in passing when he was out of line.  “Son I was sorry to hear about your dad.  Terrible thing.  Shocked us all.  Tried to catch up with you at the funeral, but everyone wanted a piece of you.  Figured I’d wait until you settled in and we could have a good old fashioned chin wag.” 

“Yeah, wow.  Bobby Singer.”  Jensen suddenly realized some of what he had missed all those years he’d been gone.  His Uncle Bobby was one of the people in his childhood that held nothing but good memories.  The man had been the father he always wanted.  Always taking time to throw a ball with him when he came to the house, he constantly told his dad to ‘lay off the boy Alan, you’ll make him stiffer than a dead cat’ and always made him feel like he was just fine exactly the way he was.  “What’re you doing here?”

“Business meeting with Tech Engineering.  We have some new specs for them to go over on the ConocoPhillips deal.  Was gonna come find you after, see if we could go for lunch.”  Bobby stroked his beard.

“God, Bobby.  It’s so good to see you.  Lunch, well lunch would be great.”  His face lighting up for what felt like the first time since he reached Texas.

“I’ll come up to the executive floor at noon.  We’ll go find us some real Texas steaks and ice cold Shiner,” Bobby said squeezing his shoulder with warmth.

“You don’t know how good that sounds,” Jensen grinned.  The elevator chimed and doors slid open, and Bobby gave him a mock salute as got off on the Engineering floor, several floors below the one Jensen was going to.  He smiled into his coffee.  Every kid should have an Uncle Bobby and Jensen was faced with that reality which was in stark contrast to what he had chosen to remember about his life in Houston.  Every day seemed to bring a new illustration to the story of his former life that he had written; not that he had lied to himself, he just hadn’t realized all the things he’d left out when he wrote it.

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

He hadn’t talked to Jeff since the day of the funeral.  He thought the faster he got everything done, the faster he could go back home, and he hadn’t bothered to return the two messages that his partner had left.  Suddenly feeling exhausted, he picked up the phone and called Jeff.

“About time you called me back.  I was about ready to send Alona out there to kick your ass,” Jeff said as way of a greeting.

“Love you too Jeff,” Jensen griped back, before changing his tone and adding, “I really miss you man.”  And he had. 

“You holding up?”  Jeff asked in his raspy tone, which could go from warm and protective to down right scary if he needed to.

“Yeah, yeah man I am.  It’s just weird you know.  People either avoid me because they don’t know what to say or the ones that want something are over solicitous.  Just not enough people here that I feel comfortable trusting yet.”  Jensen paused.  Jeff waited patiently, knowing that giving Jensen time was the best way to get him to talk.  “Then there’s all these stories in the media implying my father might have killed himself.  I know it’s not true and so do my family, but there is still something just off about the way things happened.  Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one to think so.  I keep second guessing myself, thinking that I’m probably not the best judge since I haven’t been around much in recent years, but then I remember my father and none of this makes sense,” Jensen grunted with frustration.  “I just wish there was someone here that I could feel out some of this with.”

Jeff wished he could be that for Jensen, but he didn’t know Alan Ackles well; in fact they had only met twice, neither time particularly pleasant.  “What about your sister?” Jeff asked.

“Mack is still a little mad at me, she probably wouldn’t listen on principle.” He sighed.  Jensen could feel his sister’s resentment toward him start to lessen mostly with Aaron’s intervention.  He was beginning to understand her anger.  He’d never thought she would care that he left since there were so many years between them, but he was coming to the realization that his search for freedom had come at a price to people he hadn’t even considered when he left.  He was hoping that Aaron would help them bridge the gap so he could start to mend those fences.

“What about a family friend, someone that knew him well?  His executive assistant maybe?”  Just then Jensen remembered his lunch with Bobby.  Bobby might just be the answer he was looking for.  Bobby had always been a straight shooter and Jensen couldn’t see that changing.  He was looking forward to catching up with Bobby, but he hadn’t even considered that maybe Bobby was the answer to the challenge of being an outsider in the inside.  “You know what Jeff, you just gave me an idea.”

Jeff chuckled, they’d always been great at bouncing ideas off one an other, helping each other fill in the blanks without even knowing exactly what the other was looking for.  It was what jumped their relationship from one of teacher and student to a very balanced partnership.  “Glad I could help.  You going to share or keep me in suspense?”

Jensen grinned into the phone.  “I’m going to go get some lunch and figure some things out and then I’ll call you later tonight.  How’s that sound?”

“Like a man on a mission,” Jeff said, smiling at the obvious shift in Jensen’s demeanor, “give ‘em hell Jensen.”

Just talking with Jeff had energized him. Sifting through some files, he made some notes of things that he really wanted to discuss with Bobby if, during lunch, he felt he could still trust him.  Confident that he was finally making progress in getting to the bottom of what had really happened, Jensen’s mind frequently wandered to how to broach his father’s death with Bobby.  He shouldn’t have worried.

The steak house was pure Texas; often imitated, but it wasn’t something that could truly be replicated.  Suddenly all the high end steak houses he’d eaten at in LA seemed like cookie cutter replicas of themselves.  His mouth watered as soon as he entered the dark wood paneled dining room, the smell of seared meat and faint scent of smoke that had built up over the years and still lingered even though there was a non-smoking law in place.  They were seated in rich leather club chairs; large enough to fit any frame comfortable, not sleek modern lines that were in every other place in LA catering to the thin, fit and the beautiful.  Here no one made excuses for the rich food or immense portions, it was expected.  When the drink orders were placed, Bobby lead with, “So what do you think about this horseshit that your daddy screwed the pooch with the company and those mental midgets in the media think your daddy killed himself?”

Jensen grinned, earning him a raised eyebrow from Bobby before he explained, “I thought I was the only one who thought that and was wondering all morning how to feel you out on the subject.  You saved me the trouble.”

“Well son, I figure the best way to measure a man is lay out your cards and see if he folds.”  Just like the Bobby he always remembered and given how wrong he’d already found himself to be in his recollections, he was more than relieved.  From that opening, everything flowed as if no time had passed since the last time they’d seen each other – other than he was an adult now and Bobby treated him as such.  In between placing their orders and getting their drinks they found that they agreed on most things.  Jensen had many questions, since he hadn’t had much contact with his father in the preceding years and Bobby loved to reminisce.

Bobby was frank with him, telling him that they had grown apart after a disagreement a couple of years back, but they still saw each other socially at clubs and gatherings and maintained a friendly façade.  Bobby had reached out to his mother after he heard the news of his father’s death, but she hadn’t returned his call.  Bobby didn’t elaborate on what they argued about, but he was adamant that whatever changes had happened to his father in the last two years, the things that made his dad the man he was hadn’t changed.  He would have never left such a mess, surrounded by scandal.  Of that he was sure.

Jensen agreed it was just too strange.  He started asking about business practices.  “It doesn’t make sense Bobby.  They’re accusing him of buying off lobbyists and congressmen because of this new legislation coming in.  As much as father could be a son of a bitch, I can’t see him doing it.  And for what? The company is financially sound, he didn’t need the money and an audit showed that, so what would be the motive?  He could easily weather any changes in legislation until it was workable.”

Bobby’s eyes widened, “I should have known you would turn out to be as shrewd as your father.  Didn’t think you would stumble on that steaming pile so soon, but I can tell you this, your daddy lived to prove the others wrong.  When the industry went on hard times in the eighties, companies were going to the government left and right for hand outs and tax credits while the situation got worse and worse.  Your daddy quietly set about figuring out how to work a situation that seemed unworkable, when the tides turned his investments in auxiliary businesses gave him a couple of years head start on the whiners who stood around with their thumbs up their asses looking for a hand out.  There is no way your dad would pay off someone to smooth the way for the business.  He would have looked at it as a personal challenge to find a new way of doing things.  It’s what kept him young.”

Jensen nodded, it sounded exactly as he remembered his father.  There was a vague paper trail of funds being transferred though nothing tied directly to his father. Now he was more convinced then ever that someone had been acting on their own accord and was trying to frame his father.  He just had to figure out who and he asked Bobby what he thought, “I’ve been thinking about who would benefit and I can’t figure it out.  It has to be personal, because it doesn’t make any sense for it to be business unless it was sabotage?  Has he pissed off any competitors more than usual lately?”

Bobby guffawed, “Son, he pissed off more people before you had your first cup of coffee than most could piss off in a week.”  He paused thoughtfully.  “By rights, you could put me in that category since our falling out hurt my business for a short time.  But really to go after a big fish like your dad you better be ready for a whole lot of collateral damage and the only person that I can think that could afford that is Henry Slater from HiStar.  Closer to home on the personal level, your sister’s husband Aaron had been screwed over for the presidency last year in favor of Edmonds, who’s up for retirement in the next year anyway.  Then for no other reason than I don’t trust the little slime ball, Vartan your dad’s former advisor.  I always felt your dad trusted him with too much and I told him so on more than one occasion.  In fact, I often wondered if that was the real source of your daddy’s anger toward me, because the day of our blow out, I’ll be honest, I’ve said worse things to him during a heated golf game than I did in that argument.  Vartan was a sneaky bastard and was just as slick as shit off a shiny shovel.  Never trusted the little bastard, still don’t.  So there are your top three, four if you want to count me,” he added with a grin.

Jensen knew that he couldn’t seriously consider Bobby as a suspect and respected the man for even naming himself.  He knew that Aaron harbored resentment toward his father, but couldn’t imagine that he would choose a revenge that could blow up his entire life if found out, including his marriage.  Slater at HiStar had been a rival for many, many years and there was always something slightly shady about the way he did business.  He certainly wasn’t ruling him out.  Vartan, was a mystery to him.  He had heard whispers, none good, but really he’d never met the man.  At this point it seemed like the man was the top of the list. 

Their lunch had gone better than Jensen had expected, the food made him feel more at home than when he had walked into his parents house and Bobby was the just what he needed in an ally and a friend.  As much as he felt better that someone finally felt the same way, he now felt a little overwhelmed with all the research he had to do and how discreetly he had to do it.


	6. Chapter 6

 

While things were getting easier at his mother’s house he still needed to be discreet in the way he asked questions and probed for information.  Though it vaguely felt as if he had an ulterior motive, he made a point of getting to know his brother in-law-better both at twice weekly family dinners at his mom’s and at work through executive meetings.  He knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong, but he wished he could just come clean and explain the situation to Aaron and then just get on with enjoying the man’s company, because he did.  Aaron had been nothing but great to him since he arrived and he certainly didn’t have to given his wife’s – Jensen’s own sister’s – wariness of him.  But he did, and not in a smarmy trying to get something out you way, but one that felt nothing but genuine and Jensen couldn’t help but like him.

The closer they got he almost felt sorry for Aaron.  From what he could tell, from what Bobby had said and general commentary in the office, his dad had really had it in for him.  The guy was brilliant when it came to business, but also had a down to earth demeanor that won him many supporters in the cutthroat world of big business.  Alan Ackles liked to be the most original thinker in any room and Jensen could only imagine his reaction to incredible ideas coming from someone other than him.  He had continually stonewalled Aaron and gave him dead end projects while incorporating some of his best ideas.  Poor guy never stood a chance.  He certainly had enough reason for wanting to get back at his father, but he just didn’t see that Aaron had it in him.  Jensen vowed that after he got to the bottom of his father’s death, he would right the wrongs his father had leveled on the man if he could.

After the second week in the office, he found another ally in his father’s executive assistant, Ginger.  He thought of her as a throw back to the seventies, probably the reason her dad loved her.  She was somewhere in her sixties, big hair, always wore a dress – never pants or a skirt, but an honest to God dress – and spoke in voice that sounded like it came from years of a two pack a day habit followed by a shot of Jack before bed.  She would never offer information, but rather eyed Jensen carefully, as if weighing not only the question, but also Jensen’s worthiness of getting an answer.  When she did speak, she pulled no punches.  She was blunt and to the point, but she made you work for it.

It took a few days for her to warm up enough to Jensen to do more than get the files he requested, but by the end of the second week she had clearly given Jensen the seal of approval when she slipped his father’s old appointment book onto his desk when she brought him the last bunch of files late on Friday evening with a “Make sure you lock this back in my desk before I get in on Monday”.

Jensen nodded and thanked her, wishing her a good weekend.  After leafing through it briefly he spent the next hour photocopying every page in the damn thing before he locked it up in the bottom drawer.  It took him the rest of the weekend to make rhyme or reason out of her notes and scribbles until he thought he found a pattern that required some additional research. 

At last he felt as if he was making some headway.

On Monday, Jensen asked for all the employee files of everyone that had left or been fired in the last six months from HR, which he was given begrudgingly by a manager with thinly veiled dislike.  On Tuesday, he asked legal for several case files on certain deals that his father had directly handled, and by Wednesday he knew that if Ginger had had any linger doubts about him, they were long gone. 

As he came back from another lunch with Bobby he waited to speak with Ginger who was on the phone.

“He’s here now Jared, I’ll find out for you and let you know,” she said.  Jensen raised his eyebrow when he heard the name.  He racked his brain for anyone in recent weeks that he met or was briefed on named Jared.  Nothing popped for him.  Not surprising, he was still trying to remember all the manager’s names and counted himself lucky that he finally got all the executive board down pat.  He scrolled through his phone as he waited, hoping for a message from Bobby.

When Ginger hung up the phone she turned and handed Jensen his phone messages, which he thumbed through as she spoke.  “That was Jared Padalecki.  He hasn’t wanted to bother you so soon after everything, but he wants to know if you want him to bring the _Bottom Line_ back up to Long Beach.”

Jensen stared at her blankly for a moment.  She rattled off the name and everything else so quickly and with the certainty that he would know what she was talking about, Jensen was almost afraid to admit that he had no clue.  In the end he had to admit defeat.  “Sorry, who?” he asked knowing if he tried to fake it she’d see right through him.

She looked up from her keyboard quizzically and then without missing a beat briefed without making him feel stupid.  “Jared Padalecki.  He’s the captain of your yacht, the _Bottom Line_ , currently moored in Cabo.  Your father had kept the boat there in the winter months for the last two years, visiting every few months.  Jared has been your father’s Captain for six years now, taking the job after graduating with honors from Maritime Academy at Texas A&M when your father’s former captain Nils Strum retired,” she paused to make sure that Jensen was keeping up.  “Jared wants to know if you want him to bring the boat back to the Long Beach Yacht Club now.  I think he’s wondering if you are going to keep the boat, and I guess ultimately, keep him and the other crew.”

Jensen took it all in.  He knew he inherited the yacht, but quite frankly hadn’t given it much thought since then.  Feeling a little guilty he could just imagine the uncertainty that the Captain and his crew were feeling, though the thought that the boat had a crew was mind-boggling.  How many even made up a crew?  Not wanting to keep them in suspense any longer, he asked, “I know this isn’t probably part of your job considering the boat was a personal asset, but any idea how the Captain and his crew were being paid?  I’d hate to think that they are not getting paid because of something I did.”

“No you’re fine, your father had set aside money in accounts for expenses while the will is in probate.  Aside from that long term employees will continue to be paid from a perpetual trust that he set up.  Jim Beaver should have the details.”

“Yeah Jim mentioned household payments would continue as before until probate passes and my mother and I start making changes.  I haven’t had time to go over everything yet.  Could you let the Captain know that I’m not sure about bringing the boat up to Long Beach just yet, but I’ll be in touch by the end of the month as to what I want to do.”  Suddenly the thought of getting away from everything for a week or two, maybe taking Jeff with him, sounded like just what he needed after all this.  Making a snap decision he added, “I’ll probably fly down and meet him, take a look at the boat and figure out what’s best.”

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

Letting himself in to his mother’s house late one evening, Jensen kicked off his shoes, loosened his tie and flopped down on the sofa.  He was exhausted.  He was tired of juggling too many responsibilities; from his grieving family, the company he’d essentially been given control of, his father’s legacy, to his own company and partner back in Los Angeles.  He had gotten to the point where he had whittled down the list of potential people with a grudge against his father, but not necessarily ruled out, everyone but his father’s close confidante and former advisor, Michael Vartan. 

The man had appeared practically out of nowhere, four years prior as a rising star in the company. His father had taken the man under his wing and mentored him.  He leap-frogged many people that had been in the business far longer with greater experience, but it hardly mattered.  No one could say anything uncomplimentary about Michael without feeling the full wrath of his father.  There were all kinds of rumors that were more than laughable; everything from there being some sort of voodoo spell on his father, to Michael was an illegitimate love child of his father or that they were secret lovers.  None of which Jensen gave any credence to, knowing how any rising star was a target for salacious gossip.  Hell there had been a time at school that the rumors had him sleeping with Jeff who was straight as they come.  So he knew how vicious gossip could be, but even still, something about the guy just didn’t ring true, especially his abrupt departure four months before his father’s death.

That was the thing that Jensen found most odd.  As quickly as the guy showed up on the scene he was gone.  Just like that.  A brief memo saying he was returning to France where he grew up, to take on a new role in his family’s business.  There wasn’t anything untoward in his employee file or anything to indicate there was anything more to it than that, except no one, not one person felt that the seemingly amicable departure of the golden one was everything that it appeared -- including Jensen.

The night before, Aaron and Mack had joined them for dinner, his mother’s chicken fried steak and sweet potato pie highlighting the meal.  Over the past few weeks the tension had eased between himself and his sister.  She had even started to laugh when he made a smart remark.  It seemed like they were almost on even footing again.  After dinner, while Mack helped their mother with some quilting she was working on for a charity event, he shared a drink with Aaron.  It didn’t take much for Jensen to confess his unease about Vartan with his brother in law.  Aaron’s brother was a captain in the state police force and he offered to ask him to check into Vartan and find out a little more about where he came from and where he was now, but that would take time. 

Aaron said he’d kept quiet about Vartan because he didn’t want any dislike he had for the man to be thought of as sour grapes.  Aaron confirmed what Jensen thought all along: Vartan had a cruel and manipulative streak a mile wide that he’d somehow kept hidden from his father.

They both agreed that Jensen needed to keep working on information he did have.  They spent the rest of the evening bouncing ideas off each other. They looked for patterns, one of which was the frequent trips to Cabo and the yacht he inherited that had begun almost three years before.  The trips were every six to eight weeks for a minimum of four days and up to ten days with trips to visit key business partners either before or after.

It seemed odd, without rhyme or reason.  Jensen was sure his mother was unaware of how often he was in Cabo just from conversations that they had about his father’s frequent business trips.  Jensen started to get an uneasy feeling that whatever was going on in Cabo was related to his father’s death.  And the only thing he could think of was that it had to do with drugs.  That somehow this Vartan person had gotten his dad, likely unwittingly, involved in some sort of drug trafficking, most likely of prescription drugs since you could buy almost anything legally from Viagra to Oxycotin at every street corner pharmacy in Mexico.  The implication was so unnerving that he even hesitated to share it with Aaron.  In the end he did.  Both of them sat for long minutes in silence after Jensen’s revelation.  Aaron had shaken his head, not because he didn’t agree but because he hadn’t thought of it before.  They both agreed that it was as good a place as any to start.

He shared the same theory with Bobby at lunch; they had become weekly regulars at the steak house.  It didn’t take either of them long to realize that the next thing that had to be done was for Jensen to fly down there, to figure out if the yacht was part of it, the captain or crew; who ever was involved and whatever the consequences he needed to know the truth.

Pouring himself a drink, Jensen checked his watch; it was only 8:00 pm in L.A..  He picked up his phone and called Jeff.  If anyone knew Cabo it was Jeff, having spent many cold winter breaks there with his high rolling friends and if anyone knew how to use his charisma to get information out of someone that was Jeff as well.  With a few more calls and some juggling of schedules he found himself booked on a plane the following day back to L.A. to pick up some things and then to get on another plane with Jeff to fly down to Cabo.  Together they would meet Captain Jared Padalecki and then take five or so days to cruise the yacht back up the coast to L.A.  More than enough time to get a good gauge on what, if anything the good captain and his crew knew.


	7. Chapter 7

 

Jared was late.  Fortunately almost everything ran a little late in Mexico; unfortunately that didn't help the fact that he spilled his coffee all over himself when he hit a mother of a pothole, ruining his uniform shirt. He was pretty sure he could talk his way out of one but not both, and that certainly wouldn't impress his new boss.  It was a bit nerve wracking meeting a man he felt he knew, if even a little bit, that really had no idea who he was and was suddenly the man that cut his paycheck.  Alan Ackles had spoken of his son often.  Jared knew they weren’t close and had heard the underlying sadness in his voice when he spoke about his son.  Jared was intrigued; he hoped some of Mr. Ackles elder’s better qualities had been handed down to the younger.

Hurrying through the small airport he scanned the few stores that catered to last minute tourist purchases, hoping he’d find something suitable to change into.  Everything was bright and vibrant when he needed something a little more subdued and restrained.  It couldn't be helped.  The best he could find was a white cotton shirt with pale pink roses printed on it.  He kind of liked it, probably would wear it for a casual lunch date, but it wasn't something he really wanted to meet Alan Ackles’ son in.

After slipping on his new shirt, he made his way to the arrivals area, wading his way through confused tourists being barraged by timeshare sharks.  He was just in time to see the first class passengers from the L.A. flight coming through the door -- at least he dodged the 'being late' bullet.

He knew right away which one was Jensen Ackles. Alan Ackles had showed him a picture once and then when he found out that Jensen was coming down, he googled the guy.  If he were being honest with himself he'd admit that those pictures didn't do the guy justice.  His dark blond hair was casually styled, his shoulders were broad and he stood at least six feet tall as he strode with purpose with a slightly older man, who Jared recognized as his business partner Jeff Morgan.  Even through the slight scowl the guy was wearing, the man was gorgeous and Jared could feel the pull of attraction.  Another thing he really didn't need.

"Mr. Ackles, Sir," Jared called, waving him over and reaching for his bag.  "I'm Jared Padalecki," he said offering his other hand.

Mr. Ackles paused briefly before shaking his hand.  His eyebrow remained raised as he gave Jared the once over.  Usually Jared was quite confident in how he was perceived, but for a moment he felt intimidated by the intense perusal of his green eyes.  Then he remembered his casual attire. 

"Sorry about the shirt," he apologized, "I spilled coffee on my uniform on the way over, and was at the mercy of the souvenir stores here to find something somewhat respectable," Jared smiled contritely.

Ackles grunted, but before he could speak the other man with him slapped him on the back, "You'll have to forgive Jensen, he doesn't travel well.  Get's a little bit grumpy without a good infusion of coffee every few hours.  You're probably lucky you changed your shirt or you might have found him suckling on it like a little kitten.  I'm Jeff Morgan, Jensen's business partner," he said holding out his hand.  Jared shook it automatically trying to will away the image of his boss suckling on anything let alone his shirt. 

The difference between the two men was striking.  Both were incredibly attractive: Jeff with his rugged good looks, eyes snapping with mischief and warmth in his smile while Mr. Ackles’ look was less approachable, but his defined features, green eyes with just a smattering of freckles made most people look twice.  Jared realized he’d been looking at both men a moment too long.  "Um yes, well we could get a cup on the upper level; Maria makes a great cup of coffee.  Or you could wait here and I could get you both something.  Mr. Ackles, I uh mean um your father used to just want to get to the boat.  The car is just outside,” he motioned over his shoulder uncharacteristically unsure of himself. Realizing his gaffe he added belatedly, but with no less sincerity, “sorry for you loss.  Your father was a great man to work for.  He’ll be missed, but I’m sure you know that.”

Mr. Ackles eyes snapped with something Jared couldn’t place, annoyance maybe?  “Thank you,” he said curtly before glaring at his business partner. “Thanks for that Jeff. Can we just get out of here, please?  I’m sure Captain Padalecki has coffee on board ship.”  Abruptly he headed toward the obvious exit, sending Jared scurrying to keep up as he hefted the man’s remaining luggage along with him as he groped for the keys.

“Yes, your father loved good coffee, lots to choose from.  Nando and I – Nando is my first mate – didn’t know if you wanted to have dinner out or eat in so we prepared something light just in case.  I wasn’t sure of your preferences so I hope it’s to your liking.  Maybe tomorrow we can sit down and figure that out before we set sail later in the week.”  Jared knew that he was rambling, but the combination of the spark of attraction he felt for his new boss and the unease that as attractive as he was that he might just be a bit of a dick, made his mouth race ahead leaving his brain scrambling to catch up.

The ride back was a stilted one, the saving grace being Jeff, who kept asking Jared questions about the area and the people.  Mr. Ackles, for his part, sat stiffly next to him as he drove.  Jared kept glancing discreetly over at him, but he stared blindly out the window, seemingly not paying attention to anything that was being said.  He knew that wasn’t the case as every so often when Jeff made a joke at his expense, Jared could see him roll his eyes as if it was a common occurrence to be the butt of his friend’s jokes.

The rest of the evening didn’t go that much better.  Ackles didn’t crack a smile the entire evening, granted the guy’s father just died, but if brooding intensity wasn’t such a hot look on the guy, he’d suck the life out of any room he walked into.  Jared didn’t know if it was just him or if he was like this with everyone.  Nando kept looking over at him and then back to Jared with a look of confusion.  Jared wanted to tell him he knew the feeling. It wasn’t all bad, just stilted and it left everyone a little uncertain.

Jared watched with amusement that for a moment, the iceman let his guard down when he first came on board.  You could always tell if a person loved the ocean, it had a calming effect the moment you left the dock and stood on the water with just the boat between you.  Mr. Ackles stood on the deck getting his sea legs and breathed the salt air in.  It was obvious that he was at home on the water, you could tell the way someone walked on a boat how they would be at sea.  Ackles was sure footed if slightly bow legged, aware of his surroundings, not likely to trip or bump his head if the seas got rough.  Jared felt that shimmer of unwanted attraction again as the man walked the deck of the yacht, touching the teak finishing and brass fittings with appreciation. 

Jared gave him a quick tour of the vessel, all 85 feet of her.  They climbed to the wheelhouse high above the deck, it was more like a lounge complete with bar fridge and a fully stocked snack cupboard that also held the navigation equipment and everything necessary to steer the boat.  There was a secondary helm one floor below on the other side of the galley, dining area and a large entertaining area.  On the floor below that held four staterooms and just below the foredeck were the crew quarters.  Mr. Ackles stateroom had a king size bed and a bathroom that most people would be envious to have in their homes let alone on a boat.  It wasn’t ostentatious, there weren’t gaudy chandeliers or garish fixtures, but everything was quality, from the granite counter tops to the soft blue lighting that ran along the floors and turned on automatically when the lights went off.  Jared was proud at how well he and Nando maintained everything and was happy when Jensen nodded with approval as Jared showed him around.

In the somewhat strained silence, it was hard not to compare the son against his father.  Both men were strong and commanding figures, but underneath the elder Ackles had a warmth that Jared had yet to see in the son.  He tried to think back to when he first met Alan Ackles.  Had the old man been as distant as the son when they first met?  Perhaps, but the son was bordering on hostile and Jared was beginning to think the guys default setting was asshole.  Or maybe it was just him.  Maybe Ackles just didn’t like him. It was possible.  It was rare that someone took an instant dislike to him, but it was possible.  Maybe. 

Jared couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something.

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

Jensen wanted to keep an open mind about the captain and from the looks that Jeff was shooting him he wasn’t doing a good job of it.  Christ, it was bad enough that the guy was six foot forever and pushed every one of Jensen’s turn on buttons; from the stupid floppy hair he kept pushing off his forehead, to the dimples that flashed whenever he spoke, let alone smiled and god if the guy wasn’t ripped.  It was obvious he wasn’t just sitting topside drinking Mojito’s and eating burritos when there was no one to take out on the boat.  Fuck Jensen could play quarters off his abs and then flip him over and play round two off of his ass.  Ok so maybe he was over compensating his attraction by being overly brusque, but damn it he wasn’t here to get laid.  He needed to focus on the job at hand and as much as he’d like to add the captain to his list of things to do, that would be wrong on so many levels, he didn’t even want to think about it.

After the fourth or fifth dirty look from Jeff, Jensen figured he should probably leave the ‘conversation’ to him and he was better off going to bed.  Making his excuses he headed to the stateroom to check his messages and email.  For the first time he allowed himself to really appreciate the beauty of the yacht without anyone to distract him.  The interior was elegant and understated, a little too refined for his tastes, but he couldn’t fault it, it was stunning.  The stateroom was done in warm champagne tones, which made him feel like he was in some boutique hotel somewhere rather than on a boat in Cabo, except for the sounds of the marina that were familiar to any yachtsman. 

Through the open window he could hear the halyards of nearby sailboats clanging in the breeze, the sounds of the harbor brought him immediately to his childhood.  Summers spent at the Yacht Club, going to sailing school, racing, and often winning regattas, smearing a thick coat of zinc on his nose every morning in order to prevent anymore freckles from appearing only to find one or two more where he was sure there hadn’t been one the day before.  His dad was often at the club, having business lunches, smoking cigars with the boys on the back deck or sipping scotch in the officer’s lounge.  Jensen loved those days; it was one of the rare times he could bask in his dad’s approval.

Jensen gave up sailing when he left home and for the first time in years he missed it.  Lying in bed smelling the salt air, he suddenly wished that he inherited a sailing vessel instead of a cruiser.  As he started to drift off to sleep he wondered if the captain sailed, picturing his tan, buff torso shirtless, hair blowing in the wind as he trimmed the sails in a pair of cargo shorts, bare feet planted firmly on the deck.  When he woke the next morning, the captain still on his mind and his dick pressed with need against the mattress, he wondered if he slept at all.

Jeff spent the morning with Jared going into town as he played good cop to Jensen’s bad cop, trying to figure out which side of the legal fence the captain was most comfortable.  Jensen stayed behind with Nando planning food and asking subtle questions.  Nando was one of the happiest people Jensen had ever met.  He played the hapless Mexican native, knowing he was an American citizen; Jensen sat back and enjoyed the act.  It wasn’t long before he got it out of Nando that he had grown up in Houston and moved his family west when his father had moved the boat to L.A.  He always had a smile on his face and joke or a self-deprecating remark on the tip of his tongue, but underneath there were bright eyes that missed nothing and a quick mind that could calculate navigation coordinates faster than Jensen could with his iPhone App.  Jensen liked the man, but that didn’t mean that he was automatically given a pass.  Jensen would follow up until he was sure the man didn’t know anything that would be of help.

Before he knew it, Jeff was back and it was time to get changed for dinner.  The evening gave Jeff and Jensen a chance to compare notes as they dined at one of the more upscale steakhouses; casual enough so it wasn’t stuffy, but not so casual that drunken tourists surrounded them.  Jensen relaxed with a beer enjoying the sunset.  It was nice to be away with Jeff, even with everything that they were there for.  They hadn’t had an opportunity like this since before they started their company.  Jensen made a mental note that they needed to set time aside for time away from the office, whether together or apart.

Jeff’s voice broke through his musings, “The guy really is as nice as he seems.”  Jeff started and then seeing Jensen’s disbelief continued, “seriously, Jensen, he’s smart, funny and he loved your father.  Which would make me suspicious, but the kid is so earnest, that I just can’t believe he’s lying.”

Jensen shook his head, “What do you mean ‘he loved my father’.  My father was a hard ass; every one of his executives says so.  The guy has got to be bull shitting you.”

Jeff shrugged.  “I think you should talk to him then.  Because I say the kid is legit.  What about Nando? Did you get anything out of him?”

“Nothing substantial, but a small lead.  I like that guy, but underneath his happy go lucky exterior I can’t tell if he’s being deliberately obtuse or if he really doesn’t know anything.”  Jensen ordered another beer.  “I think we should nose around town tomorrow while they finish up preparations for the trip.  Nando did tell me where Senor Vartan had gone to get headache tablets for my father the last time they were here.  Apparently he had a migraine.  I don’t ever remember my father having migraines, so I sent Ginger an email asking her if she knew if he suffered from migraines and what meds he took, if any.  We’ll see what comes of it.”

When they got back to the boat the captain was still up waiting for them.  He wanted to talk to them about changing their plans for the next day.  Jensen watched the man slip into his captain role with ease, obviously a born leader.  He explained that after checking the tides and the forecast, he told them they were in for a bit of rough weather just up the coast.  He felt the best way around the storm would be to leave late afternoon the next day and motor north for about five hours to a small cove, where the sea would be smoother to ride it out and leave again mid day the following morning after the worst of it had past.  It was either that or wait another day and half to depart.  Jensen watched as he laid everything out with confidence and though Jensen would have liked another day in town, he had to agree it was the best plan.  Without much discussion they agreed that leaving the next day would be the best. 

After the Captain bid them good night, Jensen adjusted his own plans with Jeff so they could accomplish as much as possible in the short time they had left.  Jensen knew they would need to get up early if they were going to track any information down in the morning.  Making his way back to his stateroom for an early night, he tried not to think about how well the captain fit his uniform or catalogue any of his numerous physical attributes.

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Less than 24 hours later, Jensen wasn’t distracted by how hot the captain was.  In fact, Jensen was so angry he was vibrating.  After spending the morning in town chasing down a few ‘pharmacia’ that Senor Vartan had frequented, they found that the guy had purchased over the counter drugs that it was doubtful that he used, but not in quantities anywhere near enough to be for resale.  Or at least that was the best information that their money could buy.  It was as if they were tantalizingly close to an answer but still miles away.

When they got back to the boat, the captain and Nando were doing all their last checks before departure; wanting to keep them out of the way they asked if they minded if Jeff and Jensen would remain inside in the lounge until they were ready to go.  The two men settled inside snacking on the fresh fruit and beverages that had been left out for them, when Jensen remembered he left his sunglasses on the deck where anyone could accidentally step on them. 

Grabbing them off the deck his eyes were drawn, as they often were, to the broad shouldered captain on the dock.  The captain had bent down to talk to a small boy that couldn’t be more than seven or eight.  He watched with anger as the captain discreetly palmed a small brightly colored package from the boy and slid it into his crew bag, carefully looking to see if anyone was watching before slipping him some money and candy and sent him away. 

Jensen was stunned.  He didn’t know if it was a smoking gun, but he did know that even if it had nothing to do with his father’s situation, he didn’t want a person that was involved in anything criminal working for him.  He stormed inside to find Jeff.

“Jesus, Jensen you need to calm down,” Jeff said, pouring him a drink and making him sit.  “You can’t just go accusing people of things without proof.  I mean seriously what do you know?  Some kid gave him something and he paid for it.  Could be his damn lunch for all you know.”

“You don’t stash your lunch in your crew bag in this heat, Jeff.  And you sure as hell don’t check over your shoulder before paying for it,” he growled.  “He used a kid Jeff, a fucking kid. He couldn’t be more than eight. I swear to god there is something shady going on around here.”

Just as he finished speaking the low throb and hum of the big diesel engine began to vibrate gently under their feet.  They were about to cast off.

“Jensen, we’ll figure this out, but you can’t just make accusations, you’ll sound like a crazy person,” Jeff said with concern, trying to calm him down but not at all convinced that Jared was guilty of anything but a misunderstanding.  Jeff knew with Jensen’s disbelief of the Captain’s version of his father, he wasn’t likely to listen to reason.

Jensen grabbed the bottle of Cazadores and poured himself some more Anejo.  “Fine, but this isn’t over.  I’m going to get to the bottom of this before this trip is over.” Anger still shimmered around him like a living entity.

Jeff sighed and put the bottle away.  The last thing he needed was a pissed off Jensen with one too many tequila’s under his belt.  He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to contain the situation as it was.  Jensen was one of the best people he knew, but everyone had their hot buttons.  This situation with his father’s death hit every one of them. His role was to diffuse the situation and keep him focused; it wasn’t going to be easy but it was something Jensen had done more than once for him and he wasn’t going to let him down.

Slowly they watched as the boat left the dock, Nando jumping on last with the mooring lines as the captain sat up top at the helm.  As they left the colorful harbor Jensen’s anger began to ebb away.  Even the gathering clouds on the horizon did little to dampen the excitement of being out on the ocean again.

Jeff climbed to the upper deck where the captain guided the large vessel out past all the tourist boats ferrying visitors to the famous “Lovers Arch” of Cabo.  As they rounded the Arch, Jensen saw the subtle difference as they passed from the Sea of Cortez to the Pacific Ocean, the swells were a little larger, the wind more aggressive.

Jensen stayed on deck as they cruised farther out to sea, paralleling the coastline.  His anger toward the captain, while not so close to the surface, was still burning brightly not far below.  It pissed him off that the guy could fool someone like Jeff with stories of how he loved Jensen’s father.  He’d never heard of anyone getting past Jeff’s bullshit detector.  It bothered him that Jeff was seemingly blind to the fact that the captain was pulling one over on him.  He had somehow slipped right under Jeff’s radar and taken up residence, cozying up to him, making friends.  It made him sick.  It looked like he was going to have to look after Jeff as well as get to the bottom of what ever Vartan was trying to pull with his dad.

Reluctantly he made his way to the upper deck.  Jeff was sprawled on the leather couch drinking a beer behind the captain’s chair where Padalecki sat, and laughing at some story that was being told.  Whatever peace Jensen had found outside quickly evaporated when he saw how at ease the two of them were together.  It wasn’t jealousy, it was irritation in seeing his best friend being swayed by someone he was coming to see as the enemy.

“Hey Jen, Jared was just telling me what counts as hazing at a Maritime Academy these days.  Have a seat, grab a beer.”

“It’s Jared now?”  Jensen practically snarled as he sat down.

“’Captain’ always makes me feel like I’m sailing on the Love Boat,” he flashed Jensen a smile, both dimples winking at him which only served to make him angrier.

“Well, we wouldn’t want you to make that mistake now would we,” Jensen snapped as he opened his beer, gaining some small satisfaction when Padalecki flinched.

For a few minutes the only thing they heard was the rumble of the engines.

“I’m just going to check on the food with Nando.  Sun will be setting soon, not sure if you’re familiar with how quickly it gets dark.  I’ll turn on the running lights for you when you come down for dinner.”  Popping the boat into autopilot the captain went below deck to the secondary cockpit.

After he was gone, Jeff raised his beer toward Jensen in a salute, “Way to suck the life out of a room Jensen.  We’re never going to learn anything if you’re such an ass that the guy clams up tight.  For the record, I think you’re way off base on this one.”  Jeff set his empty down and headed for the stairs, “Might want to do a double check on what’s really got you pissed off, cause whatever it is I don’t think Jared’s done it.”

By the time Jensen got down below the sun had dropped below the clouds and into the ocean on the horizon.  Even with the running lights onboard the inky blackness of the sea and sky pressed down on him like a familiar blanket.  As they travelled north the occasional light from shore that burned brightly became less and less frequent.  His stomach reminded him that it had been hours since lunch and grudgingly he made his way inside for dinner.

The three men were enjoying conversation about Nando’s son, while the captain sat at the forward helm. 

“Does your son want to be work on boats too, Nando?”

“Si, Javier, he is ten, he wants to be capitain like Tule Blanco.  Thinks being capitain is nothing but candy and driving the boat,” the older man grinned with obvious pride. 

“Tule Blanco?” Jeff asked.

“It means white tree for Capitain Jared.  He is tall like our Grande El Arbor del Tule, so the people they call him Tule Blanco,” Nando said with delight.  “Javier calls ‘Tule Blanco! Tule Blanco!’ before he even gets to the marina.  He loves to come play with Capitain Jared.  Especially since he knows which pocket has the candy.”

The men all laugh.  Padalecki looked sheepish before patting his pockets, “I thought all the pockets had candy.”

“Or something like that,” Jensen mumbled under his breath, grabbing a plate and filling it with amazing smelling Seafood Payaya that Nando had whipped up.

“Jensen,” Jeff said sharply.  Ok so maybe he hadn’t said as quietly as he thought.  It wasn’t as if it wasn’t true.  He didn’t know what else was in the pocket; he just knew that it wasn’t candy.

The captain excused himself, Nando right behind him saying they needed to go topside as they were approaching the cove they were going to anchor in for the night.

Jensen sat down at the vacated table studiously staring at his plate and not looking up at Jeff, knowing the reproach he’d see there.

“You’re being an ass.”

Jensen kept eating.

“Jensen ---“

“Look, I get it.  I’m as asshole.  Fine.  But I’m not the one getting snowed by big dimpled smiles and down home Texas charm ---“

Jeff burst out laughing.  “Seriously?  That’s what you seriously think?  Well I could see how the big dimpled smiles might sway me, if I was, you know, gay.  Oh wait, that’s you.  Something you want to share with the class Jensen?”

“Funny Jeff, and you’re not lecturing at the school anymore. So cut the crap.”  Jensen said with more anger than he actually felt.  Somehow Jeff always knew how to inject enough humor into a situation that Jensen couldn’t help but feel a little calmer.  Usually.

“You know I get that you want to figure out what happened with your father.  I don’t know if that’s because you feel like you need to atone for something or what.  But take a step back.  You’re falling into one of the biggest traps of rookie detectives; tunnel vision.  Take a breath, be objective.  Go check your email, listen to some music, call Chris or Steve. Do something other than brood and see things that aren’t there. I’m starting to worry about you.  You fly off the handle, you’re angry and unpredictable.  That’s just not the Jensen I have ever known.  Hell I can count on one hand how many times before coming to Mexico that I saw you lose your temper,” Jeff sighed and ran his hand over his face.  “Look I’m just saying, you’ve never really grieved for your father.  Not when you left home and essentially cut him out of your life and not now.  Maybe you should do that.”  Jeff stood. “I’m going to turn in early.  Give you some time to think.”

He rose quietly and left Jensen alone with what was left of his meal, but Jensen’s hunger had vanished.  He hated that on some level Jeff was right.  He had never been this quick to anger.  Something about Padalecki just drove him crazy.  Something other than his charm and good looks.  He just couldn’t buy the nice guy routine.  He’d learned from his father a long time ago that if something sound too good to be true, then it probably was.  The old man had some lessons that were hard to refute.

Maybe Jeff was right; he never finished things with his dad.  Hell he’d never even told him why he left.  He never saw the point; his father would have been disappointed at best, angry and might have disowned him at worst.  At the time he never felt the need to find out which it would be.  His father had made it known what he thought of homosexuals and he didn’t need to give the man the satisfaction of judging him for who we was.  And perhaps there was a small measure of guilt that made him want to find out the truth about the allegations being leveled at his father.  His father may have been exacting, he may have been narrow minded and even cut throat in business, but the one thing his father was not was dishonest and Jensen was going to make sure that everyone knew it.

He sat in the galley for a long time after the motor was cut and the anchors dropped, and watched through the window as the crew walked the deck making sure everything was battened down for the night, and watched until only a few deck lights kept the inky darkness from enveloping them.  He was still staring into the nothingness when the first few raindrops hit the window. 

Turning, he crossed the lounge placing his dishes into the sink and putting the rest of the food away, not wanting Nando to have to come back to do it.  When the galley was fairly tidy, he grabbed himself another beer, knowing that sleep wasn’t going to come easy and it sure wasn’t coming any time soon.

Before he could make his way out of the lounge, the captain came in and stood in the doorway.  There were no flashing dimples this time, no eager smile.  In fact, Jensen thought he looked down right pissed off.

“Just heading to bed, Captain,” Jensen said, raising his beer as he motioned that he wanted to pass, but the captain didn’t move.  He crossed his arms in front of him and stared down at Jensen, something not many could do, let alone get away with.

“I know you’re my boss and there needs to be a level of respect here, but that works both ways.  From what I can tell you’ve had it in for me since your plane touched down.  I get your father just died and you’re still grieving, but really I’ve got ask, what the hell is your problem?” The captain glared at him. 

“I think you’re out of line here, Captain,” Jensen growled, not because he actually believed it to be true but because it was the first thing he could think of doing after being looked down on and called out like that.

“Really?  I’m out line.  No, what’s out of line, is your snarky comments after everything I do, it’s making Nando feel like he has to choose his loyalties between the guy who he just met and signs his paycheck and me, his captain.  You make snide comments, your innuendo and abrasiveness is all way out of line.  If you have a problem with me, then spit it out. I’m done dancing around about this.”

“Yeah, I’ve gotta problem. All that bullshit that you loved my father.  Give me a break.  My father was a ball buster. Anyone that spent any length of time with him would know that.  Trying to snow me with that one was my first clue that you weren’t on the up and up.” Jensen was just warming up. 

”You sit there all ‘family guy’ joking with Nando about his kid and how you’re like some benevolent uncle.  When I saw you this afternoon slipping some kid cash in exchange for a special ‘package’, so yeah I’ve gotta problem with you using my boat for whatever the hell you’re smuggling and not to mention some kid that should be playing ball not dealing drugs or whatever the hell he’s pushing,” Jensen spat it out, letting it all out and it felt good.  So good that he couldn’t stop.  “But that’s not the worst.  The worst part is whatever bullshit you pulled over on my father.  Were you working with Vartan to smuggle the drugs in or was that your idea?  All the trips to Cabo with Vartan, I don’t know how you managed that, or who was the mastermind.  But I’ll figure it out and when I do, you’ll be facing so many federal charges, the agencies will fight over you to see who gets you first.”

Jensen took pleasure in laying it all out.  He didn’t care that he didn’t have all the facts yet, he’d get there.  He just couldn’t take one more minute of the charade.  He watched smugly as first shock and then obvious anger took over Padalecki.

The captain walked passed him and poured himself a drink and then poured it down sink, puzzling Jensen until he realized that the captain was not drinking because he was working.  The fact that he felt the need to pour himself a stiff one that he didn’t drink made Jensen smirk, knowing then that he had the guy over a barrel.

“So you got it all figured out Ackles?  I’m some big time drug smuggler, that it?”  He reached under one of the lounge cushions and into a storage locker for the familiar looking crew bag and took out the brightly colored package that Jensen saw earlier that day.  “This what you’re looking for?  This my big ‘drug haul’?”  He threw it down onto the table in Jensen’s direction and suddenly Jensen wasn’t all that sure of himself.

“Go on open it.  You want proof of my guilt then open it,” the captain snarled as he sat directly across from Jensen, his nostrils flaring and eyes flashing.

Hesitating, Jensen unwrapped the bright plastic from the soft, flat package.  What looked like hundreds of small beaded and braided bracelets fell out, the colors were so bright and happy in any other situation, Jensen would have smiled.  As it was he just looked to the captain in confusion.

“Yeah smuggle these bracelets into the country.  I’m sure NAFTA would disapprove, what do you think the Feds would give me 20 to dinner?”

“You could have switched—“

“Yeah I couldn’t have, but I didn’t.  Jesus, Ackles.  What the hell goes on in your head?  You read too much John Grisham as a teen or what?”  Padalecki’s voice was strident, his anger seeping into with every word.  “Those are made by a family on the pier.  The dad lost his job last year when his legs got crushed in an industrial accident.  They have 5 kids and a grandmother living with them and the stuff they make to sell to tourists is the only money they bring in.  They won’t accept charity so I take these to California for them and tell them that they sell for a lot.  I slip them $400 bucks and then give these to the inner city girls and boys club to sell for their fundraisers for sports equipment.  You could have just asked.  I would have told you.”

Jensen felt slightly sick.  If he was wrong about that, that didn’t automatically make him wrong about everything.  Did it?  Wait.  “But you looked around when you slipped him the cash.  If it was all so innocent why would you care who saw?”

“Seriously?” Jared asked, looking at him like he was crazy, “because giving a 10 year old a wad of cash in broad daylight isn’t a recipe for the kid to be roughed up and the money stolen.  Everyone knows I give the kids candy; I make it look like I’m slipping him some extra for his brothers and sisters.  Satisfied?  Other questions I can answer for you?”

Jensen furrowed his brow, this was not going at all as he expected.  He could actually believe the captain.  He didn’t want to but he could see there was truth in there.

“You know, I thought I knew what to expect.  I thought that I had an idea of the man you were, but I can tell you, you are nothing like the man your dad would talk about. Once we get back to Long Beach we’re going to have to discuss the dissolution of my contract, I don’t think I can work for someone like you.  Hell, if I wasn’t working for you, I don’t think I’d even want to know you.”  With that Jared turned abruptly and headed to the crews quarters leaving Jensen sitting in shocked silence.  He didn’t know what was worse, how keenly aware he was of the emptiness that filled him or that he hadn’t felt anything remotely like this when his father died.


	9. Chapter 9

 

Jensen stayed in bed long after the clouds cleared the next morning and the sun filtered through shoji screen that was in front of his window.  He stayed after he heard the anchors being winched on board and after the drone of the diesel marked their departure from the cove they’d spent the night in.  He knew it would be a long haul today, through the night to the next destination, San Carlos. 

He couldn’t bring himself to care.  He wasn’t any closer to knowing the truth about anything at this point.  Well anything except that he was an ass.  He couldn’t even bare to face Jeff.  He had hoped he could stay below deck for the whole day, but as they headed out of the sheltered cove the swells grew and being below deck was starting to be less and less appealing.  He didn’t get seasick, but he knew the best way to experience it was to stay below deck in rough seas on an empty stomach. 

Every time he thought of his smug outburst with the captain the night before he was mortified.  The more he thought about it the more he realized how he let everything get to him until he took it out on the man.  The man disliked him so much he wanted to quit the job he had loved with his father.  Jensen couldn’t feel more shame.  He threw on some shorts and an old t-shirt that had seen better days, brushed his teeth and cautiously headed toward the lounge and prayed everyone else was up top at the ships helm. 

Seeing a big plate of fresh fruit and large carafe of steaming coffee, he could have kissed Nando.  Slathering on a healthy layer of SPF 50+ to ward off any additional freckles, he slipped out onto the fore deck hoping to keep out of everyone’s way.  He could hear Jeff laughing on the aft deck as he tried his hand at fishing.  He hated fishing, but he knew he was missing out.  If things were different he would have been right there beside Jeff sharing the laughter.  It was a long time before whatever fun that was happening at the back of the boat stopped. 

By the time the sun was directly overhead he figured they had been underway for about three hours and still no sign of anyone.  By 1:00 he was getting curious if anyone would speak to him.  At one-thirty he could see Nando inside making sandwiches for lunch.  A short time later he came out with a platter of food and set it on the table near Jensen with a curt nod. “Senor,” he said shortly.

“Thanks Nando. Is Jeff upstairs?” Jensen asked trying not to sound too anxious.

“Si, he is with the capitain,” he replied leaving Jensen on the deck. 

Jensen figured he was better off waiting it out.  Surely Jeff wouldn’t throw away their years of friendship and the business they created over this.  Would he?  Suddenly Jensen felt chilled even under the midday sun.  Moving inside, he booted up his laptop making an effort to work, replying to emails and surfing the web over the satellite network.  Late afternoon, Jeff came downstairs and joined him in the lounge, quietly passing him a beer.

“Thanks,” Jensen said quietly.  “Thought you might not be talking to me.”

“I was pretty pissed at you, but I get it.  I do. I know you’re angry and you really want to figure out what happened with your father.  I think you need to stop trying so hard.  I’m doing my damnedest not to get caught in the middle of you and Jared.  I think Jared has some of the answers that you need and once I figured that out, I asked him to tell you and not me.  I wanted you to hear it from him, I wanted you to get the story first hand and be able to ask him questions directly, but you might have really fucked that up Jensen.”

“I know.”

“I know you do.  I know who you are and I don’t doubt that you feel badly for what happened.  You’ve always taken responsibility for your own fuck ups and I don’t expect any less this time.  I did my best to make Jared understand that.  Don’t know if I changed his mind, but he heard me out which is a start.  I think apologizing might go a long way in getting him to open up.”

Jensen nodded. He’d already decided that he would, but hearing it from Jeff made it more real.  Now he had to figure out what to say.  “I’ll do that,” Jensen said, knowing that saying it out loud would make it a commitment.  “I just don’t know what to say.  ‘Sorry I was an asshole’, doesn’t seem like enough.”

Jeff chuckled.  “No but it’s a start.  Sometimes just saying I’m sorry opens the door to the rest of the conversation.  When you over think what you’re going to say can make it seem rehearsed and not as sincere.”

Jensen agreed.  “Well aren’t you all Oprah Winfrey,” he joked.  “Seriously, thanks.  This didn’t turn out like the fun in sun trip with a side of detective work that we planned.”

Jeff smiled, “No, but that doesn’t mean it still can’t be.  I know you Jensen.  You’re driven; you’re loyal to a fault and honest as the day is long.  I don’t doubt for a minute you can work through this,” Jeff stood and put a hand on Jensen’s shoulder as he got up.  “Jared is taking the 11:00 pm to 3:00 am shift on the helm tonight.”

After Jeff left, Jensen sat for a long time wondering what else he’d gotten wrong.  It was humbling.  Putting his work away, Jensen grabbed a few more sandwiches and went to his stateroom, leaving the common areas to Jeff and the crew until he had a chance to talk to Padalecki. 

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

Jensen had a nap, waking up at just after midnight, his contacts gummy making him blink several times before they felt normal again.  Quickly he grabbed a shower, wanting a moment to fully wake up before facing the captain.  He dragged out brushing his teeth far longer than he needed and fingered combed his damp hair, noting his cheeks had caught a little sun in spite of his sun screening efforts.  He was sure he could count a few more freckles on the bridge of his nose.  Sighing, knowing he couldn’t put it off any longer, he slid into his most comfortable t-shirt, soft from too many washes and a pair of grey cotton athletic shorts that fell to his knees and were slung low over his hips.  Comfort clothes; the irony wasn’t wasted.

He climbed the stairs to the wheelhouse, and slid into the chair next to the captain’s.  “Hey,” Jensen said quietly. 

From his lack of surprise, Jensen figured he must have been expecting him.  He glanced quickly at Jensen before staring at the blinking console in front of him.  “You’re up late,” he said indifferently.

Jensen grunted in return.  This was going to be harder than he thought.  The captain wasn’t going to give him an easy opening.  Taking a deep breath he began, “I’m sorry,” he said so softly that he had to clear his throat and start again.  “I wanted to say I’m sorry.  You know, for being an asshole last night.”

The captain looked at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“And for the rest of the time I’ve been here,” he added quickly.

“Jeff make you say that?” He asked, flicking a couple of switches on the console and swiveling his chair to face Jensen.

“No.  Not really. I mean he suggested it, but I had come to the realization that I was an ass long before he took the opportunity to point it out.  The apology was from me, unprompted.  Honest.  I know when I’m being a dick.  It might take me a few days to figure out how much of dick, but I do eventually come up with it all on my own and I always take responsibility for my own fuck ups.”

The captain stared out the window with a small smile on his lips.

“What?” Jensen asked curiously.

“Nothing.  Just thinking of your dad, he said something like that to me once. ‘Always own your own shit, Jared.  Never make a man clean up after you.’ You sounded just like him then.” He paused and faced Jensen again, “First time I’ve seen the resemblance.  It’s a nice change.”

Jensen could feel himself blushing.  He shook his head.  “The man you worked for and the man I knew as my father don’t sound like the same person.  It’s hard for me to really understand.  I think part of me was just so angry that you sounded like you knew him better than I did and the version you got was so much better than the one I got.  That might have contributed to my, uh, asshole-ness.”  Jensen said rubbing the back of his neck absently.

“Let’s start over.  I’m not saying that it’s all good and that you treating me like shit was ok, I just think we need to start again.  I’ll give you a chance to own your shit and we can see if we can get passed some of the anger and start figuring out if I know anything that you might find useful.” 

Jensen was startled, but quickly agreed, “Yeah we could do that.”

The captain looked at him for a moment, it was clear he was still not completely okay with everything, but then again neither was Jensen.

“Ok first off let’s start with you calling me Jared.  Since we won’t be working together much longer let’s just skip the employer employee bullshit.”

“Okay.”  The two men sat facing each other for almost a full minute, before Jensen reached out his hand, “call me Jensen.”

Hesitantly, Jared took his hand. “Okay.  Jensen,” he said, almost like he was trying it out on his tongue first.  Jensen tried not to think how his hand managed to feel small in Jared’s and how much his dick liked the idea.

The room was quiet for a minute while both men tried to figure out where to go next.  Jared spoke first, “Why did you leave home?” he quietly asked.

“What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Jensen sputtered, before he could tamp down his anger that quickly started to burn in his gut again.  What the hell was it with Padalecki – Jared – that made him so crazy?  Ok he knew what was making him crazy; obviously his mouth was overcompensating for his dick’s interest.

Jared got up from his chair as if to leave before Jensen was able to grab his arm to stop him.  “Look I’m trying here.  My father is a sore subject and finding out some guy he hired knows him better than I do hurts.  Give me a break.  This isn’t easy for me.”

The captain sat down, though from the scowl on his face, leaving was still a very viable option.

“So you were asking about me leaving home.”

Jared nodded.

“Can I ask what that has anything to do with whatever the hell Vartan was doing with my father down in Cabo?”

“It has everything to do with it,” he said shortly.  “Your father said things sometimes after he had a drink or two.  Used to call me a good kid.  Told me my parents should be proud of me and that if he could, he’d tell his son how proud he was of him.  He said he never knew what he did to make you leave, he figured he had an idea, but he never knew for sure.”

“I doubt he ever said that,” Jensen scoffed.  “My father was more concerned about what other people thought than what was really going on in his own house.  There is no way he would share that with anyone, let alone with -- no offense -- an employee.”

“Really?  How would you know?  Didn’t you form your idea of who your dad was, this person you disliked for whatever reason, when you were barely an adult?” It wasn’t an accusation, just a question.  “Think about it, what do you know about your dad, really?”

Jensen was taken aback.  No one had ever challenged him like that.  No one ever asked the question.  Hell, he’d never asked it himself.  “I know what he showed the world, he was the generous family man in public and stern disciplinarian in private.  He was a shrewd businessman who was more interested in making deals than being husband and father unless it suited him and I know that he was a narrow-minded man who wouldn’t approve of his son, on principle,” Jensen spat out, still not happy that Jared thought he knew his father better than he did.  He glared at Jared only to be offered a look of pity in return.  That just made him angrier and he took a moment to compose himself before he said something he’d regret.

“Let’s do this down stairs,” Jared said abruptly, setting a command on the console and heading down.

Confused, Jensen hurried after him.  “Aren’t you supposed to be driving this thing?”

The captain continued to the lower deck where there was a secondary helm, “I am.  We’re far enough out to sea that we’re not going to run into anything unless it’s another boat.  We’re on autopilot, the radar will let me know if anything comes into range and I can monitor it from down here,” he slid behind the bar and took down two glasses. “Trust me, you’re going to need a drink for this,” he said.

Jensen sat down, shocked.  He watched as Jared poured himself a soda and then poured a Patron in a shot glass and slid it across the table to Jensen.

“Jensen,” Jared said softly, his name sounding so foreign from the captain’s lips.  It took Jensen a moment to remember that they agreed to use their first names.

“Jensen,” he said again, trying to get Jensen’s full attention he reached out and placed his huge hand on Jensen’s wrist. “Drink that.”

Without much thought, Jensen downed the shot putting the empty down on the bar in front of him, feeling vaguely like he was being prepared for the firing squad.  Jared promptly refilled it before speaking.  “Your dad came down with Vartan because they wanted to be alone,” he said quietly.

“What do you mean alone?  Alone for what?” Jensen sputtered, not understanding.

Jared looked at him with a cross of earnestness and concern and moved his hand up Jensen’s arm, giving it a compassionate squeeze. “They were together.  He was having an affair.  I’m sorry.”

Jensen’s mouth fell open and then he snatched his arm out from underneath the man’s touch.  “Fuck you!  Jesus Christ what the hell is wrong with you?” Jensen hissed, jumping back.  “My father hated ‘faggots’, it’s why I left.  He was no more gay than you are.”

The captain looked momentarily shocked before he tried again to reach for Jensen in an attempt to calm him down, to no avail. “Jensen, I _am_ gay, it’s one of the reasons he hired me.  That and my discretion.”

“You’re a fucking liar!” Jensen roared, not caring if he woke the whole boat.  Jensen began pacing.  This was wrong. His father was not gay.  This was some kind of scam.  The man wanted something.  There had to be some sort of angle here.  Surely there had to be some mother fucking huge misunderstanding.

“Jensen, why the hell would I lie about this?  I know that you can’t believe it, but that doesn’t make it any less true.  There were a few before Vartan, but they never came down more than once.  And then Vartan showed up and it was him ever since.  Not that I liked the guy, I thought he was using your dad.  I think your dad knew that too.  There was a sadness about him the last time he was here, like he knew it would be the last time.” 

Jensen wished he was anywhere but stuck on a boat in the Pacific.  He needed to get away.  He needed to think.  This couldn’t be right, there was no way his father was gay.  Hell he didn’t even think his father would cheat on his mother.  Would he?  The pacing wasn’t helping, the lounge too small, Jared too close.  He needed air.  He needed to think.

Jensen pushed past the captain and made his way on deck, “Jensen,” Jared called after him.  Jensen wasn’t listening, all the air had just been sucked out of the cabin and he needed outside, now. 

Filtering out the drone of the diesel he listened to the water rushing past, the water always calmed him.  His father, gay.  It didn’t make sense.  His parents had been married for almost thirty-five years.  His mother doted on him.  Surely there would have been something he would have noticed.  He heard someone come up behind him, the last person he wanted to talk to was Jared.  He felt a fool.  How could the captain know this about his father and he didn’t.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s a shock,” Jared said, putting his hand on Jensen’s shoulder.  “I thought you had some idea, hell I thought it was the reason you left home.  I had no idea it would hit you this hard.”  He handed Jensen a drink.

“I knew that telling you about Vartan would piss you off, but I had no idea.  God, Jensen.  I’m sorry.  I really am.”

The earnestness in Jared’s voice only made it harder to dismiss his words.  Jensen drained the drink in one swallow and then through the cut crystal glass as far out into the darkness that he could.  “FUCK!” his voice swallowed up by the night.

They stood together at the rail for a long time, Jensen with his head down, leaning on his forearms and Jared’s warm hand on his shoulder.  When Jensen was ready to talk, they went back inside so Jared could keep an eye on their progress.  They sat in the dark except for the glow from the console soft blue strip lights on the floor.  Jared started talking and Jensen sat in shocked stupor and listened. 

Alan Ackles knew Jared’s uncle in passing from the yacht club and had met Jared once or twice when he was visiting during his time at A&M.  It was through his uncle that he got the recommendation for the job.  He first met Jensen’s father over lunch on his the yacht at the club.  It was the strangest interview Jared had ever had.  He started out asking the usual questions about his qualifications and his aspirations and then wandered down a more personal path, implying that he knew from Jared’s uncle that he was gay and asked if Jared understood the need for discretion.  Which Jared had agreed that he did, thinking he meant about his own personal life, not that he could ever imagine bringing any one on board when he wasn’t on duty.  It soon became clear that Mr. Ackles was talking about discretion when it came to all things, including anything that happened on board.  When Jared indicated that he understood, he promptly pulled out a nondisclosure agreement and asked if he would be willing to sign it if he got the job.  Once again Jared agreed and he was asked to take home the agreement to review and Mr. Ackles would do some background checks and get back to him shortly.  Within minutes, Jared found himself ushered off the yacht and to the clubhouse.

When Ginger called him to offer him the job, he came in and signed several confidentiality documents after they brought someone in from the Ackles Legal department to go over each one in depth. 

At first, it was nothing but business gatherings, the odd family outing, even loaning the yacht and crew out to business acquaintances.  After about six months, Mr. Ackles began having ‘private’ lunches on board every other month or so; usually a man, mid forties and never the same one twice.  He was asked to take the yacht out into Galveston Bay and stay topside after lunch was served and then return to the yacht club by 5:00 pm.

At first Jared didn’t think much of it, figured it was private business that they didn’t want anyone overhearing.  It wasn’t until Nando let it slip that he had to go and make up the stateroom after Senior Ackles left.  After that it was much easier to see the signs and Jared realized that this was why he was hired.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about it.  He had met Mrs. Ackles a few times and adored her.  She reminded him of his own mother and it wasn’t something he would ever want to have his mother go through.  He contemplated quitting, but before he could, there was another dinner cruise with Mr. and Mrs. Ackles and their friends for someone’s birthday.  Mrs. Ackles always took the time to seek him out and say hello and this time he knew he was being awkward and uncomfortable.  At the end of the evening when the guests were going a shore, she whispered to him, “It’s all right Jared, sometimes one person can’t be everything to another.  It doesn’t make the love any less real. ” She patted him on the cheek and left the yacht with her head held high.

Jensen interrupted him at that point, unable to stay quiet any longer.  “You’re saying my mother knows?”  He asked in amazement.

Jared looked up in surprise, “Uh, I think so.  I don’t know exactly what she knows, but it was like she was telling me it was ok.”  Jared knew how hard it was for Jensen to hear, but he needed to tell the story as he remembered it, not  some dumbed down version to spare Jensen’s feelings.

“The way your dad talked about your mom, there was nothing but love there.  Maybe I made it okay in my head that way, but I always felt she knew and he had her blessing.  Like it was that something that she knew she couldn’t be for him, so she let him have that.  Honestly I don’t think either of them expected him to ever have someone regular on the side, but it happened.”

Jensen grabbed another drink before listening to the rest of Jared’s story.

After working for Alan Ackles for a couple of years, things changed.  Subtly at first.  It was the first time he was introduced to Michael Vartan, Mr. Ackles’ advisor. They went out on the water a few times, and Jared thought they were business lunches since the man was back more than once. Jared didn’t like him from the start.  He was manipulative.  Jared found him condescending with Nando and Connie, who was the cook back then, and he was passive aggressive with Mr. Ackles.  After a couple of months Jared realized that none of the ‘lunches’ with the one timers had happened in a while and he started to suspect that the smarmy frequent guest was now sleeping with the boss.  He waited until the next time Vartan came on board and checked the stateroom after they left, before Nando could freshen it up.  He could no longer deny that his boss was having a full-blown affair.

Not knowing where Mrs. Ackles stood on that front, he wondered momentarily if he should find a job elsewhere.  But he loved his job, he enjoyed Mr. Ackles -- respected him even – who his boss slept with was really none of his business. 

It was shortly after that when Mr. Ackles called him into Houston to meet him at his office.  He told Jared that he would be moving the yacht to L.A. and wanted to know if Jared would be willing to relocate.  When Jared agreed to think about it, he add that he wanted Jared to plan out the trip through the Panama canal for the fall and let him know how long it would take to sail back up the other coast to Cabo where the boat would winter before continuing up the coast to the Long Beach Yacht Club where it would be berthed the rest of the time. 

It would be a trip of a lifetime and made the decision to move to L.A. an easy one.  Nando also agreed to move and soon they were making plans to relocate and then undertake the huge task of planning the trip.  The whole time he speculated if the move meant that he wouldn’t have to see Mr. Vartan again. His wishful thinking was short lived.  When they got to Cabo it was a week or so later that Ginger emailed him of Mr. Ackles’ impending arrival with Mr. Vartan.  It was in Cabo that the relationship with Vartan became more open and Jared became more uncomfortable. 

First it was once every three or so months, then it became six to eight weeks between visits.  It was also when Jared began to suspect Vartan of using Jensen’s father.  On one hand Jared enjoyed the more relaxed Mr. Ackles, on the other he found himself more and more uncomfortable with Vartan’s behavior. He would often sit and chat with Jared when Vartan would go for a stroll on the promenade alone for few hours.  It was in those times that he would ask about Jared’s own family and begin to talk about his. 

Jared began to feel protective of his boss, wanting to protect him from himself, but not knowing how.  He worried about the changes he saw in the man, subtle changes but ones that he found slightly disturbing. He seemed less exacting, almost uncertain allowing Vartan to make more and more decisions, while Vartan made them seem like they were Ackles idea to begin with.  Vartan also started making changes to the things that Mr. Ackles ate and drank, making a big production of looking out for his health and wanting to keep him young. It was weird and seemed too fake to be real.  He drove Nando crazy with his inconsistencies and making him remake things seemingly on a whim.

By the time they had taken the yacht between Cabo and Long Beach a few times, Jared had begun to hate having Vartan on board.  He was becoming unbearable, pleasant enough when Mr. Ackles was around, but a complete asshole when he wasn’t. 

Jensen listened intently to everything that Jared had to say.  It was like listening to a story with fictional characters, not with people he knew and loved.  It was very strange; he couldn’t quite wrap his head around all the information.  He had a million questions and probably a million more when the first million were answered.  By the time Jared finished telling his story it was getting close to 3:00 am, the time Nando would relieve the captain of his shift.  Both men were tired and Jensen just needed time to process all the things he learned and ask the questions that he needed to.

“I know what you’re saying.  I understand it; I just can’t believe that my father was such a flawed man.  I always knew he wasn’t perfect and thought he was one of the toughest son-of-a-bitches around and now, well, now I’m just… it’s a lot to take in,” Jensen said, the shock still very much affecting him.

Jared put his hand on Jensen’s shoulder and squeezed, “Jensen it’s easy to see something as a flaw, but a wise person once told me that a weakness in a person’s character was nothing but a strength taken too far.”

Jensen heard the words, but at that point exhaustion set in and nothing was really sticking.  It would be a long time before those words would make any sense to him.

When they finally said good night, Jensen was so mentally exhausted he fell into a restless sleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.  The next time he woke the engines were silent and he realized they had docked in their next port of call, Puerto San Carlos. 

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

Jensen wanted to talk to his mother; he needed to know the truth.  It wasn’t something he wanted to do over the phone, but Jared’s revelations the night before were eating at him.  He waited until Jeff and Nando left to pick up supplies and check out the town and Jared had gone to check in with the Port Authority. 

In the way only a southern lady could, she said a lot without saying anything directly.  She did confirm that his father had been unfaithful with her consent and when Jensen asked her why, she replied simply, “Because I loved him and in everyway that he could, he loved me too.”  Jensen had so many questions and realized that they would have to wait until he got home.  He needed to talk to his sister and her husband Aaron.  He wanted to know if Aaron’s brother had found out anything on Vartan.  Suddenly, he was anxious to get home and they still had another three days at least to Long Beach.

With everything else on his mind he tried hard not to think about the fact that Jared was gay.  He had suspected he might be, but with out knowing for sure it was easier to hold his attraction at bay.  Now that he knew, he couldn’t help noticing all the things he tried so hard to ignore.  Not only was the man gorgeous, he was funny and warm with a keen sense of responsibility without taking himself too seriously.  Jensen found it hard not to look and even harder not to act.

He spent the rest of the day on the back deck covered in sunscreen trying to reconcile the man that Jared described as his father with the man he grew up with.  Had his father adopted an exacting personality and overly aggressive business persona to over compensate for what he saw as weakness of being homosexual?  He tried to imagine what his father’s life had been like, the panic when he realized he was gay, his perceived need to hide it.  He wondered how long he suppressed it, how long before he gave in to it.  He began to suspect his father had known all along that he was gay and he wanted to protect him, shield him from having to live the same life he did.  He might have felt guilty for having a gay son.  He couldn’t know.  He wished these were conversations they could have had and now they never would.  He’d never know the whole truth.  At best he’d know second hand accounts, but he’d never know.  Jensen put his head in his hands and wept for the first time since his father had died.  He wept for everything that he knew he lost and all that he didn’t know.

By the time Jeff and Nando came back Jensen had pulled himself together.  The two men came back with baskets of food; tamales, pollo encacahuatado and chile verde, the aroma of spicy goodness made Jensen’s mouth water.  Almost as an after thought they brought out buñuelos and churros still warm, fresh fruit and icy cold beer.  The captain refueled and got them headed out of the harbor while they laid out all the food up in the wheelhouse ready for a feast. 

The change in atmosphere evident, everyone was relaxed as they ate heading into the sunset.  Half way through his second helping of chile verde, he found himself watching Jared’s profile as he manned the helm and ate his way through enough food to feed a small army.  The flash of dimples and wide easy smile mesmerized him as he talked around a mouthful of food.  He realized he was fast coming under the captain’s spell much in the way he had accused Jeff of just two days before. 

With all that was going on, spending a night or two getting hot and sweaty with the buff captain might be a welcome distraction.  It wasn’t going to happen.  Jensen didn’t do relationships and he could tell from little he gleaned of Jared’s life, he wasn’t a fling kind of guy.  Grabbing another tamale, he stuffed down his feeling of desire with food and reminded himself that Jared deserved better than to contend with being hit on by his boss on top of everything else Jensen had put him through. Yup, the next three days were going to be a challenge.

After dinner, Jared excused himself so he could catch a quick nap before his late night shift at the helm.  Jensen watched him leave, scolding himself for enjoying the view a little too much.  Of course Jeff had noticed.  He knew Jensen too well not to.  Jeff had only known Jensen to attack sex as he did with everything else in his life; with determination, no nonsense, ‘get it done’ attitude.  He was discreet, but determined when it came down to it. He’d only ever tried a relationship once in university and that ended badly with Jeff picking up the pieces the way any good friend does; with lots of take out, beer and action flicks to numb the pain.  Since then he’d viewed sex as a release, something to get done, not something to savor and build into something more.  When they’d first met the captain, Jeff had noticed the chemistry between them, he watched as Jensen railed against it to the point of overcompensating and now he watched as Jensen resisted the attraction that was growing between the two men in spite of everything that had happened.

They retreated to the downstairs lounge leaving Nando to his work.  Over beers they talked about Jensen’s father, the shock still fresh.  When they first met, Jeff had become Jensen’s mentor and found him to be very single minded in becoming something, anything other than who his father wanted him to be.  Not that Jeff learned that right away.  It took a long time for Jensen to open up, but Jeff had always been good at putting puzzles together and Jensen was an interesting one.  When Jensen talked about his father, it was usually a few sentences here or there.  They never sat down and discussed why they were estranged; Jeff knew it was nothing horrible, just two very strong personalities that didn’t want to be controlled by the other.

Jensen finding out about his father’s sexuality as well as his infidelity would have rocked him and everything he believed to be true about his father.  Jeff didn’t know how to help, but he did know how to listen and that’s what he did.  It was just before eleven when Jared came through on his way to relieve Nando, saying good night as the two men made their way to their respective staterooms.


	10. Chapter 10

 

Jensen woke with a start, not quite sure where he was, his heart racing.  He’d had a dream, nothing he could remember, just being scared and needing to get to something or someone.  He grabbed a bottle of water from the small fridge in his nightstand, gulping half of it down before running the cool bottle over his forehead.  He wasn’t going to be able to sleep any time soon.  He looked at the clock; the soft blue glow of the numbers matched the night lighting along the gangway floors, 12:48.  His mind immediately went to Jared who would be guiding them through the dark waters at this hour.  He acted without thinking and pulled on the t-shirt and board shorts lying at the foot of the bed, slipped on his glasses and headed up to the wheelhouse.

Jared sat in the captain’s chair, music playing so softly that Jensen couldn’t make out what it was.  Jared looked up, seeing Jensen’s reflection in the windshield and smiled.  “Couldn’t sleep?” he asked as he turned to face Jensen, pulling a novel off the chair next to his so that he could sit down.

Jensen sat down running his hand through his short hair, the dark blond strands sticking up in all directions, looking more brown than blond in the low lighting.  “Yeah, bad dream.”

Jared nodded and sat with him in companionable silence for a while. “You ok? You look a little pale,” Jared asked as he reached into the fridge for a bottle of water.  He twisted the top off and handed it Jensen.

“What no beer?” Jensen asked with a small smile before taking a sip.

“Nah, you look like you could use a break from the beer,” Jared said before he realized how that might sound to his boss when he replayed it in his head.  “Not that I think you drink too much, it’s just been a rough couple of days and with the nightmare and everything --” he stopped when Jensen raised his hand with a grin.  “What?”

“You ramble when you’re nervous,” Jensen giggled pushing his glasses farther up his nose.

Jared tried not to think how adorable his boss was in glasses.  “I don’t ramble when I’m nervous,” he said indignantly, watching Jensen raise his eyebrow from beneath the silver frames that were fast become the cutest thing Jared ever saw.  “I also ramble when I’m hungry, when I’m tired, when I’m drunk and, I’m told, during sex.  So I might not be nervous.  And you just giggled and giggling is way worse than rambling.” he added lamely. 

Jensen laughed, not a giggle, but a full blown from the gut laugh.  He couldn’t remember that last time he truly laughed.  He marveled how he had gone so quickly from being irate when ever he was in Jared’s presence to being relaxed, even happy.  His nightmare was already long forgotten.  “Well you’ve obviously just eaten,” he said nodding to a plate of cookie crumbs, “so that rules out hunger.  You’re wide-awake since you’re working and you haven’t been drinking for the same reason.  And since you’re not, you’re not” suddenly his brain stuttered on where he was going next, he took a deep breath before continuing, he hoped, somewhat smoothly, “currently having sex.  So that leaves, nervous,” he finished with a bluster that he didn’t feel.  Truth be told, Jensen’s brain nearly short-circuited at the word sex.  He hadn’t come up here to hit on Jared, had he?  His brain felt like it was melting as he watched Jared lick his lips uncertainly.  Jensen’s eyes danced around the cockpit, trying to distract himself, concentrating on the cover of the novel that Jared was reading, trying to read the title from the odd angle the book was at.

There was a crackle on the radio that instantly cut any sexual tension that was building.  “Freighter traffic,” Jared said fiddling with the dials.  Sitting in silence with Jared didn’t feel stilted, it was an easy silence like he was just there to listen not to judge or advise.  Jensen became very present to what his father would have seen in Jared, why he had chosen him to confide in.  Suddenly Jensen wanted know the Dad he missed.  So he asked.

Once they started talking, it was as if they couldn’t stop.  They started briefly with Jensen’s father, but then veered off into school, Jared’s family and their love of the ocean.  They talked and talked, Jensen falling deeper and deeper under Jared’s spell.  The man was smart as well as funny.  They debated about the economy and the best ways to fix things, they danced around politics and religion, but everything about the man captivated Jensen. He even enjoyed that Jared didn’t mind contradicting him, something that didn’t happen too often.  

He realized that sometime in the last few seconds Jared had stopped talking; Jensen had no idea what they had been talking about.  The silence was awkward, even as it stretched longer than any polite pause in conversation.  Jared was watching him closely as if he could see what was going on inside his head.  Jensen began to burn, he felt flushed under the intense scrutiny.

In the movies, there would have been a rogue wave that threw them together or a trip, fall and a catch, but this wasn’t the movies, this was real life and no one was going to step in and give you an excuse for doing something you knew was completely stupid.  Without a second thought Jensen closed the gap between the two chairs and stood wedged between the captain’s thighs. Reaching up with both hands he held Jared’s face and kissed him soundly.  There was nothing tentative about it, no gentle prelude, just a full out assault.

With barely any hesitation he felt Jared’s mouth open beneath his and he took that as consent to plunder it soundly.  Jared grabbed the backs of his thighs and pulled him even closer, waves of heat rolled off them as they tasted each other hungrily.  Jensen lost himself to the sensation of being thoroughly matched physically, as Jared didn’t give an inch making the friction between them almost combustible. 

When they finally broke apart, hearts hammering and breathing heavily, Jensen realized one of his hands was wound tightly in Jared’s hair holding him in place.  The realization of what he had done unraveled him as he freed his hand.  He’d assaulted his employee.  No matter how much the other man obviously wanted what had happened between them, he just wasn’t that guy. 

“Fuck!”  Jensen gasped. “That never should have happened,” he said stepping away, tripping on his own feet until he sat heavily back in his own chair.  “I’m so sorry Jared.  I can’t believe I just did that.”

Jared looked at him quizzically, head tilted, hair in his eyes.  “I’m not sorry.  Jensen, I wanted that as much as you did.  Probably more since I didn’t hate you on sight when we first met.”

“No, Jared.  I’m your boss, this is wrong.  I’ve never… God I can’t believe that just happened.”  Jensen looked out across the black ocean.  His heart was still racing.  He couldn’t ever remember getting so hot so fast, losing control to the point of wanting to rut against the man until he came in his shorts like a high school junior.

Jared had gone quiet again; this time the silence was a whole lot less comfortable.  Jensen was torn between apologizing again and making a quick exit and grabbing the man and finishing what they started.

The radio crackled, interrupting the quiet.  Jared looked down at the console and then over to Jensen, brow creased.  “So that’s it?  You kiss the shit out of me, leaving aching to the point where I’m pretty sure the pattern of my zipper is tattooed on my dick and you say ‘sorry, shouldn’t have happened?”

Jensen shrugged, trying really hard not to focus on the thought of Jared’s dick and the zipper tattoo that he’d like to inspect personally and then possibly soothe with his tongue.

“You are an asshole.  And remember I quit back in Cabo, so technically I’m just working as a favor to you until we get mmmpffff”

Jensen launched himself in between Jared’s legs again and shut him up with a kiss that was equally as brutal as the first one.  Jared didn’t need time to get up to speed he just grabbed Jensen’s ass and gave as good as he got.  They struggled to get enough friction, anxious to feel more, the chair creaked against the pressure they were putting on it, Jensen practically in his lap, the angle awkward, but just close enough that their dicks lined up against each other as they rutted, hands grabbing a hold of whatever was handy, mouths kissing and biting until finally, Jensen was there, cresting the wave of climax, a groan erupting from his throat more guttural than sexy.  Jared hung on, still grinding, biting down on the tendons in Jensen’s neck as came in his shorts.  Before his dick gave it’s final twitch, Jared was over the edge as well, his breathing harsh in Jensen’s ear, almost keening like an animal, making Jensen want to start all over again, but this time with less clothing.

Their position made it impossible to stay still long, their combined weight angled precariously in the captain chair, their come quickly cooling making their clothing uncomfortable.  With regret Jensen tested his legs to see if they could bear weight before standing upright and adjusting his clothing.  He looked down sheepishly, first at Jared’s crotch and then at his own, both obviously wet.  “Wow, you’d think we were twelve.”

Jared pulled at the fabric of his pants awkwardly before giving Jensen a wry smile, “if we were twelve, we’d already be ready to go again.”

Jensen’s dick gave a twitch of interest.  This wasn’t over.  Jensen didn’t know yet how he felt about that, but he knew for sure that he wanted to go for seconds, if not tonight, sometime soon.  “I might not be twelve, but round two doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

Jared’s eyebrows shot up, a slow smile spreading across his face until both dimples were winking naughtily back at Jensen, before he quickly glanced at clock prominently displayed on the console.  2:38 am.  Nando would need  to be briefed on the change over of command.  “I think we’ll have to pick this up later, maybe tomorrow?  I mean if you’re ok with that,” he said suddenly sounding a little unsure.

Jared’s uncertainty opened the door for Jensen’s own concerns.  He hesitated momentarily, but long enough that Jared noticed and turned away, a look of hurt plain to see.  Jensen just didn’t know what to do.  He didn’t stay.  He found sex, took what he needed and went home.  He didn’t invite people into his home or wake up next to them much less be stuck together for a number of days at sea.  This was a bad idea.  And yet he really didn’t want it to be done yet.  He was torn.  “God Jared, I want to.  You can’t even imagine how much, it’s just—“

“It’s just that you don’t want anything messy.”  Jared finished for him, once again following his thinking.

“Yeah and this could be messy,” he agreed.

Jared started to untuck his shirt to cover up the mess in his pants, “It doesn’t need to be.  I mean we could just see where it goes.  No strings,” he added.

Jensen looked up.  God the man had something that drew him in.  It was a combination of sincerity and mischievousness.  He could do no strings, he always had.  He could have fun while they were here.  Enjoy something for more than a moment without feeling like it needed to be more.  He reached for the other man and drew him in for a kiss.  “Deal, I can do no strings.”

They resumed the kiss, which went from sealing a deal to hot and dirty in a split second, before Jared pulled back and gave Jensen a playful shove.  “Deal, now get out before Nando sees a whole lot more of his new boss than he needs to.”

Jensen answered his grin with one of his own and headed to the stairs, knowing for once he’d be able to sleep with something more than his father’s situation on his mind.

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

Jared lay awake for a long time.  He never expected to make out with a boss let alone with this one.  Two days ago, he’d been ready to tell Jensen Ackles to navigate his own way home and today he wondered what he would feel like beneath him, inside him, asleep next to him, take your pick.  The two of them in the same room were combustible, either as adversaries or as lovers, either scenario capable of ending up in flames. 

Jared was a big guy, he was fit and he was strong.  That’s all that most people saw, they didn’t realize what a big softie he was.  On the inside he was a big marshmallow; strays – both people and animals, lost causes, the underdog -- they all found a champion in Jared.  He loved to care for people. He loved big and hurt bigger.  He didn’t do things half way.  Once someone earned his regard, he was loyal and steadfast.  He hadn’t had a relationship since college, not because he didn’t want one, but because his schedule didn’t allow him to give someone the attention Jared felt they deserved.  Now in less than a week he had committed the unforgivable act of sleeping with the boss, even though technically he had already resigned. 

If he were honest with himself he would have seen it coming.  He had fallen a little bit in love with the fantasy of the man when Alan Ackles had told him stories about his son.  He had imagined a strong man that was a little bit lost and idea of the man coupled with the stunning pictures he’d seen of a young Jensen racing in Galveston bay -- free and full of life – had filled his fantasy off and on for a while.  When he met the man and he was nothing like the fantasy he created he figured he was safe.  He should have seen it coming, the man was a walking bundle of everything that drew Jared in: a lost soul, hurt, angry and in need of love, some one that needed somewhere safe he could let go of control, even for a little while.  The signs were all there, but somehow the anger they’d shared early on had blinded him to how far gone he was until he was already freefalling.  One moment they were enjoying each other’s company and the next they were devouring each other like they were starved. 

Jared wasn’t foolish enough to think he was in love, far from it, but he was definitely falling for the man he was finding beneath the initial distrust and anger, regardless of his claim of no strings attached.  He knew Jensen wasn’t anywhere near ready to have a relationship and even if that was in the cards for them, Jared couldn’t see how it could work.  Now that they crossed the line, there was no turning back and though Jared had no intention of forcing Jensen into something he hadn’t agreed to and didn’t want, he knew that once his own heart was engaged he would be the one hurting at the end of it all.

He rolled over and tried to fall asleep again, the bunk feeling uncomfortably small, his body craving the warmth that only came from another person.  He punched his pillow and groaned out loud, it was going to be a long six hours before he needed to be back on deck.

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

Jensen woke slowly, his morning wood pressed against the mattress and a smile spread across his face as he remembered how it felt to be pressed against the hard body of Captain Padalecki. Jared.  Involuntarily his body began to search for friction to sate itself.  God the man was hot.  Jensen found it rare to have a lover that was bigger than he was, often finding himself with smaller and often less aggressive men.  Jared though had met his passionate assault with one of equal measure.  It was such a turn on to have someone that could man handle him with relatively equal strength, though secretly Jensen thought the captain could easily restrain if he wanted to and the idea was not without its own appeal. 

It was just what he needed.  He had been so focused on his father’s death to the point of obsession and this was just the sort of stress relief diversion he hadn’t known he wanted.  Once they had moved on from Jensen’s early unpleasantness, they had really clicked.  They shared so many things in common that it certainly wouldn’t be a hardship to spend time with the man as well as find some much needed sexual release with him.

It would break the monotony of the sparsely inhabited coastline they could see far in the distance and Jensen certainly looked forward to it even though he knew he wouldn’t hear the end of it from Jeff.  The man’s gloating would be hard to take, but not even that could dampen the promise of orgasms.

He strolled into the galley smiling even before he had his first cup of coffee.  The sun looked brighter, the glint of the emerald waves glittered merrily and even the distant drone of the diesel seemed quieter.  He picked up a honey glazed pastry and popped it into his mouth as he hunted for a coffee cup, humming as he licked the sticky residue off his fingers.

A rustle of a magazine first alerted him to someone else being nearby, though how he could miss Jeff he had no idea.  “Sounds like someone got a good night’s sleep,” Jeff mused from behind the pages before adding, “or something.”

Jensen gulped down a mouthful of scalding coffee before responding; he had hoped he’d at least have breakfast before he was subjected to Jeff’s ribbing.

“Yup the sleep was good,” he replied. “And the ‘or something’ is none of your business,” he added gruffly, all bark and no bite. He knew it wouldn’t put Jeff off; it was a good bluff though.  He filled his plate with fresh fruit and added a couple of pancakes and bacon from the warming tray set up on the counter.

Jeff stood and poured himself another cup of coffee before leaning over Jensen and purring in his ear.  “Just make sure you keep playing nice Jensen.  You’re my partner and a good friend, but Jared is a good man and deserves to be treated fairly and with respect.  That said,” he thumped Jensen on his back almost making him choke on a piece of cantaloupe, “way to go Tiger, didn’t know you still had it in you.”  His chuckle echoed in Jensen’s ear long after he sat back down, along with the warning.

After that the next two days went smoothly.  There was very little awkwardness between Jensen and the captain after Jeff teasing them with a “go on and kiss, you know you wanna” that first morning.  Jensen showed him the finger and gave Jared a deliberate kiss to a round of catcalls from Jeff and Nando.  After that everything was comfortable.  They weren’t all over each other, but they sat closer, there were subtle touches and stolen kisses.  They didn’t have a lot of alone time, even an 85-foot yacht can feel small with four grown men out at sea, but they did manage a few blowjobs, some serious groping and one hot soapy shower with mutual hand jobs.  It wasn’t enough, but it was something.

They spent their last night moored in Ensenada before heading to Long Beach.  Heading into port Jensen felt a wave of bitter sweetness.  Jensen wanted to get home, he had a message from Aaron that his brother the cop had some info for him and Ginger did as well.  He wanted to meet up with Bobby and process all he had found out and get to the bottom of everything.  At the same time he felt like he didn’t have enough time with Jared.  Their magical time away from reality was coming to an end and Jensen knew it wouldn’t continue when they got back.  Jensen just didn’t have time in his life for a relationship and with their mended relationship Jensen figured that Jared would want to continue on as his captain so he wasn’t sure where that left them.  Somehow he was wondering if he could still have it all.  Maybe they could get together every now and then for fun.  It would be better than going out to find someone discreet at a club.  They certainly liked each other; it would be comfortable and very possibly mutually beneficial.  Jared had told him that his schedule didn’t allow for a relationship so maybe they could both get a little of what they wanted instead of settling for nothing at all.

Jensen smiled to himself, he felt like he had found a solution that worked for both parties and couldn’t wait to share the idea with Jared.  They were going to go out to dinner with Jeff and Nando and then spend some time on their own since they had a whole night without Jared having to pilot the boat.

Dinner was fun, full of laughter as Nando told of some of the pranks the local children in Cabo had played on Jared and Jeff didn’t leave Jensen off the hook sharing with the group some of his less than stellar moments.  A few beers and lots of food later the men left to head back to the yacht, the feeling of camaraderie as warm as the evening.

Back on board, Jeff and Nando discreetly excused themselves leaving the two men alone on the back deck beneath the twinkling stars.  Jared stood behind Jensen, bracketing him with his arms as they looked out over the rail toward the ocean.  “How long do you think before they’re asleep?” Jared asked his breath warm against Jensen’s neck, sending a frisson of pleasure through him.

Jensen leaned back, enjoying the feel of the hard body behind him.  “Too long.”  He gave up the pretense of patience and took advantage of the interest Jared’s dick was showing in being pressed up against his ass.  With slow and deliberate movements he let Jared know he wanted more and waiting wasn’t going to be an option.

“You wanna take the edge off to give them enough time to sleep or put on headphones and then head below deck and see if we make this old girl rock?”

Jensen snorted, “That was so cheesy.” He could feel Jared smile against his neck before worrying the skin gently between his teeth and then soothing it with his tongue.

“You loved it.”  For a second Jensen thought he meant the interest he was taking in his neck, his mind completely blank to whatever he said before that.  “hmmmm, god yeah,” was all he could add before Jared spun him around so his back was against the rail, his dick found itself aligned snuggly alongside it’s mirror image as Jared began a slow grind against him.  Without any effort they found a rhythm, mouths tasting and teasing, moans erupting between breaths and hands touching, pulling their bodies impossibly closer.

Jensen quickly lost himself to the heat that sprang again between them, forgetting that they were in the middle of a busy marina, albeit at the end of a very long dock.  Jared had a way of being fiercely passionate, but at the same time making Jensen feel adored.  It was intense and yet at the same time he felt safe to just let go.  Not something that he found with one-night stands, it was something he could really get used to.

Jared had managed to work both their pants open and pull out their dicks.  Holding them both in his huge palm, he worked them together, the friction becoming too much, too fast.  “Not here, want to taste you,” Jensen managed to gasp before it was too late.  In an instant he found himself inside the lounge, Jared hitting the lights to turn them off as he entered.  He managed wheel Jensen toward to the long couch, his pants falling down past his ass as he found himself on his knees in between Jared’s spread legs, his dick out and waiting, pre-come beading at the head tantalizingly. 

Jensen dove in, tongue swiping across the crown gathering the flavor and making his mouth water.  Without much pre-amble he grabbed hold of the base and swallowed the thickness as far as he could, his mouth stretched wide, eyes watering as his enthusiasm lost sight of what was actually possible.  Backing off slightly, he laved the shaft as he sucked hard on the domed head.  He used his other hand to roll the lightly furred balls in his palm, giving them a slight tug every so often knowing how it drove Jared crazy, his hips twitching upward every time.

He worked feverishly, every grunt and moan spurring him on until he’d deep throated as much as he could, his own dick forgotten, as he humped against the leather beneath it craving friction.  He could barely breathe.  He didn’t care, the task at hand was all consuming.  He couldn’t get enough.  Jared had grabbed onto his hair and held his head still. Needing to slow things down he fucked Jensen’s mouth gently, making Jensen moan in response.  The vibration put Jared over the edge, his motions becoming more frantic trying to pull out.  Jensen held still and sucked hard, his tongue fluttering against the shaft until he could feel the moment that Jared let go, his dick beginning to pulse, a stuttering gasp and it was all over.  Warm jets of come flooded Jensen’s mouth, no matter how quickly he swallowed, it dribbled out the sides of his mouth, down his chin and the shaft he continued to suckle and soothe until it began to slowly soften.  He laid his head on Jared’s thighs, catching his breath acutely aware of how hard his own dick was as it twitched against the pre come slicked leather.

His body still lax and slightly uncoordinated from his orgasm, Jared reached for him, pulling him up on the couch and laying him down, covering him with his larger frame.  He kneed his legs apart, their groins pushed firmly together again.  Jensen’s hips jerked upward, craving the weight and warmth of the other man as Jared kissed his face, slowly cleaning every trace of spilled come that he found there.  Jensen found it incredibly hot and yet he still needed more.  He tried to slide his own hand between them, knowing it would only be a couple of tugs and it would be over.

Jared chuckled in his ear and gathered his wrists in his hands and pinned them to the couch.  “Not so fast,” he growled, “it’s my turn now.”

Jensen struggled momentarily, not to get away, but to heighten his awareness of how helpless he felt underneath the bigger man.  It turned him on more than any vague fantasy he had had of being held down while stroking himself to a mindless orgasm.

“You like that don’t you?  You like knowing I have you, that your orgasm is in my control.”  Jensen groaned, he should have known Jared would be a talker.  That turned him on too.  Jared raised himself just enough so that Jensen had nothing to rub off against. His dick struggled to find something, anything to push it over the edge. 

“Fuck Jared.  Yes!  All right?  I love it.  I fucking love having you be in control,” he bit out in breathy gasps, his hips stuttering upward.  “Please!”  His voice cracked under the strain, as Jared bit down on the join of his neck and shoulder where his shirt had come apart at some point.

“Shhhh, I’ve got you Jen.  I’ve got everything you need,” his voice rumbled in his ear, soft and low.  “All you have to do is keep you hands right here.  Can you do that Jen?  Can you do that for me?”  The command was spoken softly but its effect was no less than if he barked it.  Jensen’s dick was leaking steadily now, his voice mute.  He nodded vigorously and clenched his fists, pressing them into the leather to show how serious he was.

Jared moved slowly down his body, standing briefly to tug his pants all the way off.  Pushing one leg off the couch completely he pressed the other up high so it rested along the back of it.  Jensen squeezed his eyes shut tight, imagining how wanton he must look spread wide, his dick eagerly bobbing, knowing it was going to be looked after.

“Oh no you don’t, no hiding here Jensen.  Open your eyes I want you to watch me as I swallow you whole.”

Jensen moaned, his eyes fluttering open, not knowing where to look, his cheeks ablaze with heat from exertion and embarrassment in equal measure.  Jared, true to his word, swallowed him down without any preamble, using his hands to press Jensen’s hips to the couch.

He worked him slowly, savoring every inch as he tasted and teased his way up and down the shaft.  Using one hand he tugged gently downward on his balls, making him catch his breath.  One long finger found its way to his hole and rhythmically tapped against it, never penetrating, just making Jensen want more.  When Jensen thought he couldn’t take any more of the slow torture, Jared somehow opened his throat wider and fucked his face down on Jensen’s dick quickly. Once, twice and by the third time Jensen was howling, his orgasm trying to turn his balls inside out with the force of it.

He thrashed his head back and forth, his eyes clenched tight again unable to face just how undone Jared had made him as if electricity ran beneath his skin lighting him up from the inside out.  He was vaguely aware of Jared still swallowing as his dick vainly tried to give up something more.  He opened his eyes and watched. He barely recognized himself, legs splayed, so relaxed it was an effort to blink.  Jared’s head nuzzled his balls, his breath cooling his sweat dampened skin, he wanted nothing more than to run his hands through his hair but his arms hadn’t got the message they could move yet. So he just lay there and enjoyed the view. Sex had never been like this, never even close.  His dick was barely soft and he was already thinking about the next time.

As if he could read his mind Jared looked up with a wolfish grin, “Thinking of round two already?”  Jensen blinked languidly, not fully trusting his voice yet, his breathing still ragged, heart rate twice what it should be.  He licked his lips, enjoying the reaction the motion got as Jared’s eyes tracked the movement with interest.  He cleared his throat.  “I’ve pretty much thought out rounds two through twelve already,” he said his voice so gravelly it was unfamiliar in his own ears. 

Jared chuckled against his stomach, barely-there whiskers tickling him and making him squirm.  He crawled up his body and lay next him on the couch, drawing his leg off the back and wrapping it around him.  Jared breathed him in, fitting his head on Jensen’s shoulder.  It was only then that he realized that his arms were still pinned by his own will to the seat of the couch.  He marveled at how much control he had given up to Jared and how good it felt.  Tentatively he moved his fingers against the warm skin that rested on them.  They were stiff from being clenched, suddenly able to move they craved to relearn the body next to him however uncoordinated they were.

Jared kissed his neck, “You think that we can fit all that in tonight.  Sounds ambitious.”  Jensen wasn’t opposed to fucking themselves silly since they’d never gone that far, but he was thinking not of just this night, but all the nights they could potentially have in the future.  He wanted Jared to know that, to understand it didn’t just have to end when they docked in Long Beach the next day.  He wanted more.  He wanted to be able to do this on a regular basis.  With Jared.  As often as they could fit it in.

“Tonight’s an option, but I’ve been thinking…” Jensen pulled himself semi upright against the arm of the couch, Jared coming up with him, still wrapped in each other. 

“Uh oh, you’ve been thinking.  I thought we agreed that you shouldn’t be allowed to think during sex, we almost fell overboard that last time you were ‘thinking’,” Jared nipped at his mouth playfully, both men enjoying the closeness, ignoring the skin that stuck to the leather each time they moved.

Jensen nudged him with mock irritation.  “Seriously, I’ve been thinking about when we get back.  You and me. This.”  He waved a hand between them.  He watch the playfulness drain from Jared’s eyes, replaced by wariness.  It threw him for a moment before he realized that Jared probably thought he was going to get the speech of ‘it’s been nice but we can’t do this anymore’. 

Jensen rolled his eyes.  “Not that.  I was thinking since we’re all good.  We are all good aren’t we?”  He asked almost rhetorically, relieved to see Jared nodded hesitantly.  “Yeah so we’re good and you don’t need to look for another job now.  And well, you said you’re busy and we both know that I’m busy and relationships don’t do well in that situation.”  Jensen paused, unable to get a read on what Jared was thinking.  “We, uh, know each other and we obviously like each other and if our last orgasms were any indication we are damn fucking good at that part of things… So since we both know what to expect, we could you know,” Jensen shrugged self-consciously, “just carry on.  No muss no fuss.” 

Jared was very still, Jensen wasn’t sure he was even breathing.  Maybe Jared didn’t think they were good together.  Maybe he was being too presumptuous.  Maybe Jared just wanted a quick fuck all along.  He blinked rapidly, the air had dropped a few degrees and he barely stopped himself from shivering under the intense scrutiny that Jared was putting him under.  He started to rise; he’d got it wrong.  Again.  “Look, I’m sorry—“

Jared pulled him back to the couch, but sat up at the same time, the loss of his warmth making Jensen shiver in earnest this time.  “Jensen what are you saying?  When you say ‘just carry on’ are you talking dating or what?”

Jensen then realized where he’d gone wrong, Jared thought he wanted more of him than he was ready to offer.  “God no Jared.  Nothing like that.  You know, we get together when we’re both free and enjoy each other and then go back to our lives, no strings.”  Jensen smiled, knowing that Jared would see the simplicity of his plan.

Jared sat up further, his forearms resting on his thighs; his pants still around his ankles, making the situation seem slightly comic, except for the silence that continued to build.  Jensen could only see his profile.

“Wow,” Jared said running his hand through his hair and shaking it out, still not looking at Jensen.  Jensen imagined what his offer must sound like to Jared.  He would still be his boss, but hadn’t they just proved that it shouldn’t be an issue between them?  He grinned realizing that Jared only needed a minute to really understand how great this could be.  It made so much sense.

“Wow,” Jared said again.  The disbelief in his voice much more audible this time.  “I don’t know what to say.”

Jensen playfully hooked his leg that was still behind him on the couch around his waist and tugged. “Say yes so we can start working on round two.”

Jared turned to face him and for the first time Jensen realized they weren’t on the same page. His grin froze and then started to slip as Jared spoke.  “Jensen, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can do that,” his voice was soft yet firm.

“But—“

“No hear me out please.  I, wow, I just didn’t expect this,” he sighed, flicking his hair out of his eyes.  “I know you think you’ve come up with an ideal solution, a great plan, but I can’t be that for you.  I don’t want to be that, it’s not who I am and honestly I was starting to think it wasn’t who you were either.”

Jensen tensed.  What did he mean by that?  It wasn’t as if he was asking for something sordid or obscene.  Just an arrangement that was mutually beneficial between people that really liked each other.  What the hell was so wrong with that?  “Look Jared, I don’t know what the big deal is, I thought it would be a great arrangement for both of us.  You don’t have to make it sound like I asked you to do something distasteful.”

Jared looked at him from under his hair; Jensen thought he saw pity and that made him angry. Why the hell should Jared pity him?  What the fuck!

“Jensen, you came here with an idea of who your dad was and found some things out that you couldn’t have begun to imagine.  It was a shock, you were angry—“

“What the hell Jared,” Jensen interrupted, “what does my dad have to do with us?”

“Don’t you see?  You’re more like your dad than you think and while I admired and respected your dad, I couldn’t understand how he could live his life like that.  That hasn’t changed for me.”

Jensen was angry now.  He jerked his leg from out behind Jared and stood up gathering his shirt around him, wishing more than anything he had his pants already on.  How dare he compare him to his father?  He was nothing like his father.  His father couldn’t face who he was, had hidden it and lived a lie; he cheated on his wife for god sakes.  He wasn’t hiding, he was busy damn it.  Relationships took time that he didn’t have.  He just wanted a safe place to go and share intimacy with someone he actually liked.  What was so wrong with that?  Much better than picking up one night stands in bars and fucking them once and never seeing them again.  Or even worse pretending to be something he wasn’t.  He was gay; he didn’t hide it.  Sure he didn’t broadcast it, but really who he slept with was no one else’s business.  He found his pants and yanked them on.  He couldn’t believe that Jared saw him like that.  Obviously he was wrong about Jared, if Jared could be so wrong about him.

“You’re wrong Jared.  I’m nothing like my father.”  He groped around for his shoes in the darkened room.  His anger ripe and hot, his hands were shaking, his eyes burned with angry tears that he blinked away before they could start.  Bumping his shin into an angular end table he cursed, his throat tight as he tried to quell all the emotions that threatened to pour out.  Rubbing his shin he left his shoes and turned for the stateroom, not wanting to look at Jared again, knowing the earnest look he’d see there.  Jared didn’t know him.  He was just some guy whose company he enjoyed, a diversion, nothing else.  He kept telling himself how much his time with Jared didn’t mean to him hoping that saying it enough would make it true.  The last thing he heard before he opened his door was Jared softly calling for him to come back.

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

The eight hours to Long Beach seemed like eight days.  There wasn’t the tension of the first few days where words and actions between the two men were tinged with anger.  There was a silence, a sadness that had settled on board.  Jensen sitting alone on the lower deck, baseball cap pulled down to his sunglasses, knees drawn up as he almost curled into himself.  Everyone left him alone, quietly going about his day without disturbing him.  Jeff tried once to speak with him to no avail.  By the time they entered US waters, there was a hectic cavalcade of boats and flotillas as cruised up the coast dotted with marinas.  In the distance they could hear music and laughter as it carried across the water over the thrum of the motor and seemed to mock their solemn group.

As the sun dipped low on the horizon, Jensen went below decks to pack, wanting to get off the boat as quickly as possible when they docked.  Jared had radioed ahead when they first entered US waters, arranging for a customs agent to meet them at dock when they reached Long Beach.  From past experience, Jensen knew how to lay out his bags, packed but open in his stateroom so the declaration could be done as quickly as possible. 

On some level he was still angry with Jared.  Being compared to his father was one of the hardest things that he could hear.  It hurt.  He had been numb all day.  Sorting through the endless crap running through his head was not an option in that state.  If he could he shut off all his thoughts, he craved silence in his head, just until he could leave; until he could deal with everything alone, in his own way. 

Jeff mercifully let him be after his first attempt at talking to him.  He knew there would be questions, but right now he couldn’t deal with his own questions let alone the ones from any one else, much less Jeff.  At some point during the day he contacted Ginger and had her arrange a flight for him back to Houston, first thing in the morning.  He could almost hear Jared’s voice in his head telling him he was running away again.  He wasn’t running, he was going somewhere to regroup.  His desire to find out what had happened with his father was waning.  The whole thing had been a shit show from the get go.  He thought he was doing right by his father and found himself mired in self-doubt, learning things about the man he was so sure he knew.

He just wanted his life back.  He wanted to go back to the job he loved, working with Jeff and the team they assembled; he wanted to live in his own apartment, where he could be by himself, surrounded by his own things, and he wanted to forget everything that had happened in the last two months.  Well almost everything.


	12. Chapter 12

 

Jensen had been back in Houston for a week.  Things had moved so quickly he had hardly managed to unpack.  His first night back he met with Aaron and Mack and Dan Brighton, Aaron’s brother and police officer. They spent the whole evening locked in his father’s office going over what he had learned.

Everything that Dan learned was circumstantial, but put all together it painted a rather sinister picture.  He had dug into the man’s past and found some disturbing parallels to the situation with what they now knew about his father.  The man it seemed, prayed on older closeted gay men.  Jensen was shocked to learn that his sister had suspected something for almost a year and had a similar, yet vague, conversation that he had with his mother when he phoned from Mexico.  Mack was dealing with it a lot better than he was, but then again she had more time to come to terms with the news.  In a strange way it gave them common ground to reset their relationship, which was slowly beginning to heal as their trust and respect for each other grew.

Dan told them that eight years ago Michael Vartan had tried to blackmail a French politician that he had a secret affair with.  The politician refused to pay him any money and went to the Gendarme with his story and succeeded in scaring the man enough that he left France very quickly thereafter.  He had gone on to successfully blackmail a businessman in New York a few years back and had tried at least once more, but the person in question refused to cooperate with the police so the details were sketchy.  It seemed likely that there was another target between the uncooperative victim and Jensen’s father, but they had yet to turn anything up. 

Dan had after a forensic review of Alan Ackles personal computer; they had found evidence of thinly veiled threats of blackmail written by a master manipulator.  They also found that Jensen’s father was about to turn the tables on Vartan with evidence of his own.  It was Vartan that had paid off lobbyists and Ackles had found a paper trail to prove it.  One email indicated that he was too old to worry about coming out of the closet and if Vartan released his proof of his affair, he was ready to step down and turn the company over to his children.  He had even gone so far as gather all the information together to have papers drawn up to that effect. 

When Dan had spoken with the officers that had gone to the scene and cleared it as not a homicide, he found that there had been evidence that someone had been at the apartment with Ackles as some point in the preceding twenty-four hours before his death.  There was no indication of foul play and nothing that seemed out of order.  The official report showed that Mr. Ackles had had a cup of strong green tea, some over the counter cold syrup, taken his meds and gone to bed, where at some point in the night he had had succumbed to heart failure that may have been brought on by a drug interaction.

Jensen was instantly suspicious.  For one, his dad never drank tea. It was always coffee, black no sugar.  Jensen had taken great pride as a teen to follow in his father’s footsteps when he began to drink coffee around the breakfast table with him, no matter how horrible at the time he thought it tasted.  No his father wasn’t a tea drinker. The first he heard of tea was when Jared had said Vartan started making his dad drink tea.  It was something that he dismissed at the time, as a faulty memory on Jared’s behalf, but now he was beginning to rethink that. His father was also the last person to take a cold medication.  He thought it was weak and you just needed to buck up and suffer through; cold medication was only taken by those who were willing to give in.

The four of them agreed that it was highly suspicious that the two innocuous things that he had purportedly taken just happened to be the things that could be deadly in conjunction with his medications.  Adding to their suspicions was the fact that it seemed Michael Vartan had gone back to his native France several days after Alan Ackles was found dead.  It wasn’t anything that they could pin a charge on, but it gave them a better a sense of what could have happened.

Dan had left that night promising that he would keep digging and had already contacted the Sûreté, the national branch of police in France and asked them to help in their investigation.  With the old blackmail case still on their books, they were anxious to help out.

That left Jensen with Aaron and Mack as they struggled to come to terms with all they learned and try to figure out how to move forward.  Suddenly they had proof of their father’s innocence that led to the troublesome audit, but if they went public their father’s sexuality could come to light.  It didn’t seem fair to open that up for public consumption after he had kept the secret for so many years.  Not to mention what it would do to their mother and her standing in society.  They all agreed to hold off on anything until they had more information.

Jensen went to bed exhausted.  Falling asleep should have come easy, but it didn’t.  He could still see Jared standing on the dock in his captain whites, hat under his arm, his eyes the only thing that gave away the sadness he was feeling, when Jensen had waved him off when he offered to help with his bags.  It had taken everything he had not to look back.  He knew he was making some sort of mistake, but his brain was on emotional overload and just not able to deal with what it was or what he could do about it.

When he closed his eyes he could still feel the weight of Jared on him, whether pressed against the railing of the yacht, the wall of the shower or on his back on the couch.  He missed the intimacy that they had so quickly established, his body unsatisfied that they had never finished what they started.  Even when his brain was in denial his body knew it had missed out on something – no, someone – extraordinary.

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

After that the days just picked up speed. The audit was quickly coming to an end and word was his father would be cleared of any wrongdoing and there was no evidence that the company was involved in anyway.  Journalists made some initial noise about a cover up and getting to the bottom of what happened with the lobbyist, but from all indications the story was dropped.  There was always something bigger, better and more scandalous around the corner.  Jensen and Mack were just glad that it looked like their father’s secret would be kept for the time being. 

Jensen found himself thinking about what kind of life it would be to have lived that way; torn between the things you loved knowing any one of them could be taken from you at any time.  He marveled at the strength of his mother and the graciousness in which she bore it all.  She never stopped loving his father and even now she only spoke about him with the greatest affection.  The news of his affair with Vartan was not new to her.  She was even less surprised that her children thought the man had something to do with her husband’s death.  She told them that their father had been sad the last few months of his life.  He told her that he had been betrayed, but it had been his own fault for being an old fool.  She never pried, never asked what it was about. It just wasn’t her way.

Jensen had to talk Mack down after that.  Being a strong woman in an entirely different way, it made her angry that her mother had been what amounted to a doormat in her eyes.  Her father had had it all and her mother only got the scraps.  It had taken many hours of conversation and many more tears before the last of the family secrets had come to light.  In her own round about way her mother told them that she had been sexually abused at a young age and she had entered the marriage with their father with the understanding that she would do what she had to to have the children they both wanted but their physical relationship would end there.  She had always known about her husband’s desire for men, long before he even acted on it.  He had struggled for many years to be the husband and father he committed to being.  Their love was unshakable because they kept each other’s secrets and supported one another unconditionally.  It was she that had finally convinced him to follow his desires.  That was only after Jensen had left and they both had suspected why.

All the revelations had come at a price.  It was as if he had never known his parents, their lives were filled with so much more than his memories gave them credit for.  He realized how much he missed out on for not knowing.  Mack had had similar breakdowns until their mother told them that even if they could go back there was no telling what difference any of it would make.  Every ‘what if’ could have brought on a whole set new set of problems.  They needed to keep the good memories they had dear and realize they might have a whole new outlook on the bad ones.  All they could do is be as honest as they could in the making of any new memories.

His mother’s last comments kept echoing in his thoughts.  It kept him awake at night right along with thoughts of Jared and their final words to each other.  Mentally exhausted, he had to keep pushing it back as the days flew by with every new piece of information that came with them.

It was toward the end of the week that Ginger handed him an envelope post marked Los Angeles with bold letters declaring it private and confidential.  Jensen didn’t need to open it to know what it was.  He left the envelope on his desk all day, a solemn reminder of things left unfinished.  He found himself touching the envelope periodically trying to absorb the heat of the author through the bold lettering.  He placed the envelope in his courier bag at the end of the day wanting a stiff drink and the privacy of his room before he dared open it.

Dinner was a quiet affair, his mother preoccupied with a charity event she was hosting in a few weeks and Jensen was just happy to eat in the relative silence without being forced into a conversation punctuated with false cheer.  He insisted on cleaning up afterward, losing himself in the mundane chore of doing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen, knowing that Theresa would scold him in the morning for doing her job for her.  He turned on the news and pretended to listen to the world events and local weather, his eyes often drifting to his bag which sat propping the door to the den open.  After eleven he poured himself a Jack straight and made his way upstairs, removed his contacts, brushed his teeth and slid beneath the cool crisp sheets of his bed, his bag on the bed next to him, drink on the bedside table.  On some level it was as if he didn’t open the envelope, the words written inside would not be true.

With a sigh he found the envelope and sat looking at it much as he had all day, with an air of distracted disquiet.  Sliding his thumb beneath the flap he worried the paper until it finally gave, the tearing noise loud in his head.  Pulling the single sheet out, he reached for his drink.  As he read it, he allowed a sadness to settle over him.  It was, as expected, Jared’s resignation.  There was nothing personal in the letter, just a straightforward request to terminate his contract and an outline of how the turn over would go and when he would vacate the Ackles condo that he lived in Long Beach.  He also made a request that Nando be consulted for anyone Jensen hired to captain the _Bottom Line_ in the future.

Jensen set the letter aside and sipped his drink staring blindly ahead.  The reality of not seeing Jared again started to settle over him.  It really shouldn’t bother him so much; it wasn’t like they had had that much time together, nor were they planning on continuing what they did have.  Really any regret should have been left behind when he flew out of California.  He wanted to deny the connection they had, the understanding that could only come from sharing deeply personal and emotional pieces of themselves.  Jensen wanted to dismiss the fact that Jared had given him something he hadn’t known he even wanted in six short days.  The realization the only closure they would have would be through lawyers as they dissolved their business relationship.  It seemed so distant and nothing like what they shared in Mexico, even when they were at odds with each other.

Jensen didn’t make many mistakes, but he was coming to understand the weight of the one he had made in anger and out of a hurt so deep he barely recognized it for what it was.  He finished his drink and turned off the light.  Staring blindly into the dark he didn’t even try to stop the memories of Jared; the sound of his voice, his laugh, the gentle touch of his hand, the strength of his body.  If he slept at all it was with Jared in his mind and in the morning the emptiness he felt the night before was still there.

He spent a few days being fairly miserable to everyone around him until Ginger told him to go home, hit some balls on the driving range, and get whatever it was out of his system.  Through his misery, Jared was never far from his mind.  He started to realize that Jared was the piece of the puzzle that he couldn’t make fit.  He had no clue what to do with that and he was fairly certain that Jared wouldn’t want him to do anything.  While he didn’t reach out directly to him he made sure that the lawyers dealt with him more than fairly and refused to be persuaded to do anything else.  He pulled himself together and apologized to Ginger for his mood, she dismissed the thought with a wave a hand, but underneath he could see she appreciated the gesture.  He put his head down and got back to work.

A week passed and then another, it was ironic how he had felt so alone before Mexico, with just a few people in Houston in his corner and now that he had the support and assistance of so many yet he still felt alone, but for an entirely different reason.  He had finally met up with Bobby and learned more and more about his father and Vartan.  The fall out that Bobby had had with his father was about Vartan when Bobby had caught wind that there might be something crooked going on with his advisor.  Bobby was one of the only friends his father had that had known about his father’s sexual preferences and had seen his father fall under Vartan’s influence.  He hadn’t told Jensen because he had told his father he would never tell his secret and figured that if he pointed Jensen in the right direction often enough that he would figure it out for himself without betraying a trust.  Jensen considered them family and was just thankful that he had Bobby’s support and love, especially as they closed in on Vartan.

The Sûreté had tracked down Michael Vartan and asked him to come in to discuss the previous blackmail case.  He had declined unless they had a warrant for his arrest.  Without the assistance from the blackmail victim, who was now a prominent government official, they couldn’t proceed, but were still willing to help in any way.  They considered Vartan a threat to the honest citizens of France and wanted to get him whichever way they could before he worked his scheme on someone new.  Dan Brighton and the Texas State Police were working on an official request for the Sûreté to assist in getting Vartan to sit down with them for an interview.  The Sûreté said Vartan was spooked and didn’t want him to flee before they had a chance to speak with him.  They had put a “hold” alert on his passport, which would only help if he left Europe.

Jensen was moving forward with the restructuring of the Company now that he had proof of his father’s innocence in the influence peddling scandal.  He knew he didn’t want to stay.  With the audit drawing to a close, there was a certainty that they wouldn’t find anything so he confidently went ahead with the plans he had been formulating since his return. 

Aaron agreed to take on the role of President and CEO with full backing of the board.  Aaron had more than proved himself and was a favorite, though unspoken under his father’s governance, amongst the Senior Executives.  But Aaron wasn’t his favorite recommendation that was approved by the board; his favorite was his sister Mack.  For years Mack had taken a backseat to her husband in the company by choice, with a degree in Business Administration and four years of taking a non-profit organization from nearly folding to thriving, he recommended that Mack be appointed as Director of the newly formed subsidiary, The Alan Ackles Charitable Foundation.  When he asked her, she could barely choke out a yes, her eyes filed with tears, the emotion clear on her face.  He thought she would never stop hugging him, but he wouldn’t have changed it for anything.  He was never so proud of his baby sister as she rose and spoke before the board on accepting her appointment.  She was quite a woman; different than his mother, with a strength all her own.

The amount of work he took on was staggering, his purpose twofold.  He wanted to get back to L.A.  Jeff tried not to let on, but things were piling up at the office and he missed it, missed Jeff and the gang.  He missed them all.  More important than that he figured the harder he worked the less time he had to think of Jared.  It was ironic that amidst of all the recent success the one thing, the one person he failed was never far from his mind, no matter how hard he worked.

When his phone rang mid-afternoon on a Friday, he didn’t glance up from his papers, blindly stabbing his finger to answer the call with a gruff “Ackles”.

“I’m not taking the money,” Jensen’s head snapped up at the first syllable, he tried to ignore his body’s betrayal at the slight shiver he gave up.  Even in anger, Jared’s voice had that effect on him.

“Jared.”  He managed to get out, his brain frantically trying to catch up.

“I don’t know why you think you have to buy me off, but this is too much, I won’t accept it.”  He growled into the phone, irritation humming through the line.

“Wait. What?”  Jensen was not sure of why he was so angry; surely the lawyers had explained everything.  “I don’t understand, didn’t the lawyer speak to you?”  He heard an exasperated snort on the other end.

“Jensen, I was a little busy here, you know, looking for a place to live, finding a job.  Lawyers telling me what I already knew wasn’t on the agenda.” 

“Jared, you don’t need to do that—“

“Jensen, what part of I’m not taking the fucking money did you not understand.  I just want the severance I’m entitled to and that’s it.”  His voice snapped with annoyance.

“Hold on, let’s start again and this time just let me finish—“

“There’s nothing to say Jensen—“

“Jared!” he yelled into the phone not allowing him to continue.  There was a stunned silence on the other end that he knew he needed to take advantage of.  He needed time to explain and he wasn’t going to let Jared’s anger get in the way of that. “Are you ready to listen? Because you have this all wrong.  That money was from my father.  I understand that you were busy, but that’s why I sent the lawyer out to speak with you, I wanted you to understand.  I didn’t realize you wouldn’t allow him to explain.”  Jensen paused, wondering if he finally had Jared’s attention.  “My dad made a provision for all his personal staff. If they were let go within the first two years after he passed, they would get an annuity on a sliding scale depending on how soon after he died they were let go.  Yours was particularly generous, making me finally see how highly he held you in his regard.  He actually put the condo in your name a year ago.  None of this was my doing, though I would have made damn sure you were well looked after.  You did a great service to my family over the years; you were much more to my father than just a mere employee.  I realize that now.”

There was still silence on the other end.  Jensen tried to imagine Jared’s face when he finally understood he had a comfortable financial cushion on which to rest and figure out what he wanted to do next, not to mention that he now owned the home he had been living in.  He could understand Jared’s anger, thinking that he was trying to buy him off.

“Jared?”  Jensen knew he was still there but the longer the pause the less sure he was of Jared’s reaction.

“I’m here. It’s just—“

“I understand,” Jensen said interrupting, “you’re having a hard time shifting out of ‘I’m so angry at Jensen’ mode,” Jensen said smiling, knowing he hit the mark when Jared chuckled, a sound he didn’t think he’d hear again.

“Well there’s that,” Jared responded, “I’m just -- wow – I can’t believe your dad did that.  It’s hard to take in.”

“Yeah I know the feeling.”  Jensen remembered all too well what it felt like to be blindsided by information he never could have expected.  He knew that Jared would want to be alone with what he just found out or at the very least he wouldn’t want to discuss it Jensen.  Not anymore.  Never the less if this was the last time he talked to Jared, he had one question he needed to ask.

“Look I know you probably want to go and figure out what this means for you and you know, maybe unpack again, but I wanted to, what I mean is I was hoping you could answer a question for me.”  Jensen waited uneasily for the answer.  He could hear Jared moving in the background, the sound of a single dog bark somewhere close by.

“Ok,” Jared answered.  One word, no comforting fluff to dress it up, just ok.

“That last night, you know on the boat,” he swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry.  He was on the verge of getting an answer to his question and somehow the words wouldn’t come.  He grabbed the now cold coffee on his desk and gulped it down.

“What’s your question?” Jared asked, wariness and a touch of impatience in his voice as if reliving that particular evening was the last thing he wanted to do.

Jensen cleared his throat and wiped his mouth on the back of shirtsleeve and then peering down at it in disgust.  “You said I was ‘more like my father than I thought’ what did you mean by that?”

There was another long pause; Jensen was tempted to drink more of the cold coffee, before he remembered a bottle of water in his desk. 

“Do you really want to go over this?  I mean don’t you think it’s better that we just hang up now and not open that all up again?”  He didn’t sound angry, just resigned and not all that anxious to go there again.

“No!”  He blurted out before thinking. “I mean, I really want to know.  I don’t want to argue, I’m not mad, I just need to know what you meant by that.”  He wasn’t going to beg for the information and he didn’t think Jared wasn’t the kind of person to make someone grovel.

“Ok I’ll tell you, but then we hang up.  No long conversations about it, no arguing, just me answering the question and that’s it.”

Jensen could hear how much it cost Jared to do this, especially now.  He’s just received a sizable amount of money and the knowledge that his former employer thought a great deal of him.  It was a lot to take in without Jensen wanting to rip open old wounds.

“Agreed and thank you.”

Jensen could hear Jared sigh and more rustling and he could picture him pacing.  “Your dad was a good man.  I had a lot of respect for him, but you already know that.  I watched how hard it was to live his life the way he thought he had to live it.  He took each relationship and kept shut up tight in its own box so it was separate from all the other boxes.  He could move from box to box, but he couldn’t be in more than one box at a time.  It took a toll on him.  The trade off for living that way cost him a lot.  His relationship with you was one box that suffered more than others, mostly because he was too afraid of having you find out about the lies he was living, and feared that you would think less of him.  I thought when you found out, even though it was shock that you would see that.  How keeping his life disconnected like that, treating each relationship as a separate piece in his life instead of a sum of his whole life had hurt each relationship and kept it from growing stronger.

“I know you thought you figured out a great solution for both of us by your suggestion that night, but don’t you see Jensen, I couldn’t be just one of your boxes.”

Jensen didn’t know what to say to that.  Memories and images flooded his thoughts.  He wanted to argue and say that’s not how it was, that it wasn’t like that, but the more images flashed in a kaleidoscope of his life, the more in focus his world became and the words wouldn’t come.  They sat in silence for what seemed a very long time before Jared cleared his throat.  “I’m sorry, but I have to go now Jensen,” he said gently.  “Take care of yourself.”

Jensen was able to make his mouth work before the phone went dead in his hand, a murmur of ‘You too’ squeaking in before the dial tone sounded in his ear, he wondered briefly if Jared heard him.

He wanted to kick something, put his fist through a wall; he wanted to throw all the papers off his desk and have the mother of all temper tantrums; most of all though, he wanted Jared to be wrong. He knew he was being childish.  He knew there was truth in what Jared had to say.  He just didn’t know what to do with that yet.  There were too many loose ends for him still to tie up.  He glared at his phone still in his hand, contemplating calling Jeff when it started ringing, making him drop the thing like he had been burned.

Glancing at the number, he hurried to answer it. “Ackles,” he answered, the voice on the other end familiar though not the one he had hoped was calling.  He listened intently for a moment.  “I’ll meet you there in forty-five minutes,” he responded, pressing ‘End’ and quickly clearing his desk. His conversation with Jared would have to stay on the back burner until he had some time to himself.  Right now his father’s memory and his family needed him and he was going to do whatever it took to be there for them, not because he felt like he owed it them, but because it’s what he wanted to do.  Maybe he was growing after all.

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

By the time Jensen got home that night he was exhausted.  He had met Mack and Aaron at the State Police headquarters in Houston.  Dan, Aaron’s brother sat with them and explained the unusual circumstances that had deemed the investigation into his father’s death essentially over.

The Sûreté, prompted by the concerns of the Texas State Police had found that Michael Vartan had found his next victim and was working quickly to ingratiate himself into the man’s life.  They took the man aside and showed him enough evidence of Vartan’s past crimes and suspected crimes that the man was suitably concerned.  He advised them that the man was on his way over and he was going to put an end to any association he had with him.  The Sûreté waited in a vehicle across the street until their agitated suspect left the building, showing obvious signs of distress.  They approached him with a formal request to meet them the next morning at their headquarters for an interview.  Vartan, noticeably angry didn’t say much and just snatched the order from their hands and drove off.

Death is a mysterious thing.  As so often happens it’s as unglamorous as it is mundane.  It doesn’t play favorites, it reaps at will, when it’s time, it doesn’t wait for a better shot, a touch up or a better angle, death is indiscriminate.  Vartan was no different.  In a hurry to leave town before he could be physically taken in for questioning, distracted he apparently stepped out in front of a slow moving car at a gas station.  The slow moving vehicle didn’t kill him, but in his urgency to get up after he was thrown to the ground, he slipped and fell backwards cracking his skull on a stone curb, rupturing a pre-existing aneurysm in his brain from which he died before he even got to the hospital.

Jensen had thought when someone so complicated and maliciously calculating died it would be in a dramatic and horrible way.  It was somewhat satisfying that in death, the story would be about Vartan’s dramatic death, instead it would go largely unnoticed and some back page of the Paris papers, a footnote rather than the major player Vartan had thought he was.  When searching his effects they found enough evidence that tied him to his father’s death.  The coroner had already been asked on the evidence provided that he amend the cause of death on his father’s death certificate from ‘accidental’ to ‘undetermined’.  In the end, they would never truly know if he had anything to do with his father’s death, but they had found some measure of closure. 

After leaving the police station, they headed back home to break the news to their mother.  For the first time since his father died he saw the façade of strength his mother put out in the world begin to crack.  She truly felt the pain of betrayal from the man she had, for all intents and purposes, lent her husband to.  He had taken that trust and killed him.  It was an emotional end to the evening.  Aaron and Mack agreed to stay the night, Mack going upstairs with her mother and Aaron pouring them drinks as they sat in the lounge in relative silence.  It was a lot to take in. 

It was an ending of sorts; he did what he came to Houston to do.  He had left his father’s company in capable hands; he got to the bottom of the strange circumstances of his death and found the person responsible.  As a windfall he didn’t expect, he revived his relationship with both his mother and his sister, gained an incredible friend in Aaron and even if he didn’t quite understand it all yet, he learned a lot about himself.  Now that it was done, he realized there was nothing but a bit of business housekeeping to keep him from returning home and suddenly that thought was overwhelming.

He had worked himself so hard in the past weeks; wanting nothing more than to get home now that he could there was an emptiness that settled in.  An emptiness for having to leave something he just put so much work into; an emptiness for having to leave the relationships he worked so hard to get back and an emptiness of knowing that no matter how much his business partner, colleagues, and acquaintances would welcome him back, outside of work, he returned to a very empty life.

Aaron squeezed his shoulder with understanding, sensing his melancholy.   “You’ll always have a home here Jensen and I don’t mean this house. We want you to know that you can always come back and bring someone with you, no matter who they are,” he said refilling their glasses, his implication clear.




Jensen nodded, he knew that now and in some ways it didn’t make it any easier.  He could come back, he had a place here and he could start again, or rather, he had been graciously been given an opportunity to pick up from where he once ran from.  If he came back without sorting himself out he’d just be running again.  That’s not who he wanted to be.  He needed to go back, regardless of how daunting that felt at the moment and how easy the alternative Aaron had laid before him would be.

“Thanks Aaron, I appreciate you saying so, but I have to go back.  There’s stuff I need to take care of, things to figure out.  After that, who knows what will happen, I just know that coming back now is not what I need.  I’m just glad that I’ll be welcome when I do come back, even if it’s just for a visit.”  Saying it out loud made the commitment to go back so much more real.  It still felt uncomfortable, but Jensen was ok with that. 

“You better come back for visits and I don’t just mean for the odd board meeting and such.  Mack will have your neck.  I think she quite enjoys having her big brother back, though I doubt she’d admit,” he said with a grin.

Jensen smiled shyly; he liked the thought of coming home for visits, the odd holiday or two.  “You bet. I’ll be back so often you guys will be sick of me.”

“Great!  You know we’ll hold you to that.”  And Jensen was sure they would.  For the first time in a very long time, Houston felt very much like his hometown, rather than just some place he had lived.  He was beginning to reclaim his childhood memories, the difference now was there were more good than bad and the bad ones he was beginning to look at from a different perspective.  Saying good night he made his way back up to his room, the evening still emotionally exhausting and his future unsure, but he was ready to meet it head on.  He went to sleep with Jared’s words running through his head. 


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

 

Jensen had been back in Los Angeles for four months.  Life was different now and Jensen had worked hard to make it so.  He had gone to Jeff about taking on another partner or two, redistributing the workload, which in the end had actually helped the business to grow faster.  He had been surprised at how easily Jeff had gone for the plan, but then again he had never really paid attention to Jeff’s personal life much past the bare facts since his own wasn’t a priority.  He was shocked to learn that Jeff had been with Stacy for almost three years and was thinking about proposing.  He’d liked Stacy, enjoyed her company when she came out with them even. He was a little bit ashamed that he hadn’t realized that she had been in his partner’s life for that long. 

While they were restructuring the business, Jensen made it clear that he needed to take on less and have more time to pursue other outside interests.  Jeff had raised an eyebrow at that, but never raised any objection.  He was relieved that Jeff hadn’t asked any questions, because at the time he didn’t really have any answers.  He had vague ideas and a whole lot anxiety about having ‘free time’ hanging over his head and not having anything to fill it.  It didn’t take long to work through the discomfort and once he had some traction behind his ideas he moved along steadily, learning to enjoy the time he had set aside for himself.

One of his projects was making his house feel like a home instead of a generic place where he slept in between the times he was at work.  He found he quite enjoyed finding things for the house.  A butter soft leather couch, the kind you could sink in and sit all night watching a game or a movie.  Not the shiny kind of leather, but real leather that got better the more you used it, with deep, deep seats and length you could actually lie down on if you felt like it and Jensen was finding that he did feel like it more often than not.  He found a big trestle table made of wood that was wide and solid and chairs to match; both sturdy and masculine yet not too weighty.

When he made an off handed comment at work to Alona about his latest find – a soft golden armchair big enough for two – she insisted that he let her come over and help him paint.  He hadn’t even thought about paint yet, but it made sense. The sterile white walls needed color, something soft, warm and inviting.  Before he knew it he had six employees, Alona, Jeff and Stacy, and his buddies Steve and Chris over one weekend to paint every room.  He kept them well stocked in food and beer and only had to break up two paint fights, but then Chris really did have it coming to him both times.

He found himself slipping into the role of host naturally, all those years growing up in Houston and attending all the gatherings his parents hosted through the years was good training.  He finished the weekend by grilling steaks, baking potatoes and serving up salads to everyone, amazed at how much he enjoyed the company and agreed after much teasing that he would host the group again the following month for the Fourth of July.  With a little cajoling he broke out his old acoustic, while the boys got theirs from Chris’ truck.  The three of them played and sang far later into the evening than was good for those that had to work the next day.

While things were going so well on the home front he had another big decision to make; less of a decision and more of a ‘to do’ that he was just putting off.  He was selling the _Bottom Line_.  He’d put if off at first because he wanted to try and find something else for Nando before he got a broker to sell the yacht, but after meeting with him he learned he had nothing to worry about.  When he met with Nando to explain the situation to him, he found out that Nando was already thinking of getting out of crewing when Jared quit as captain.  When he was told of the severance that his father had left for personal employees in the case of their job being terminated was more than enough for Nando to buy into his brother-in-laws new Charter tourism venture.  It meant that Nando would be his own boss and able to be home every night for dinner with his family, which was what he’d been wanting for a while.  The rest fell into place easily.  The selling of the yacht proved to be just a little more difficult. 

It was easy enough to find a broker for a luxury yacht, but in the depressed economy it was much, much harder to find a buyer.  Not wanting to hang on to it until the market firmed up, he agreed with the broker to sell it overseas at a reduced cost.  The deal had been signed ten weeks later.  In that time he worked with the broker to find him something he really wanted.

The trip up the Mexican coast had rekindled his love of the ocean and being on the water.  While he had enjoyed the yacht and all of its luxury, it wasn’t him. Not really.  What he really wanted was a sleek yet comfortable yacht that he could sail, perhaps even race every now and then in some local regattas and take away for a week or two when he wanted to get away.  He ended up with a 57 foot Beneteau cruiser sailboat.  It was a couple of years old by in beautiful shape, big enough to have a few people for a sail, yet small enough that he could handle it with someone else.  He was very excited about it and couldn’t wait to take possession of it.  Which brought him to the deck of the Long Beach Yacht club, sipping a beer on a sunny Friday afternoon. 

He watched keenly as a group of teens were getting instruction before heading out for race practice in the clubs racing dinghies, their instructor almost as tall as their boats were long, thick brown hair falling in waves just brushing his shoulders, tanned and sleek in his cargo shorts and club issue polo shirt.

While he had known that Jared was working at the club, seeing him again was enough to take his breath away.  He had heard that he had accepted the position of director of sailing with a focus on the youth sailing program.  He had never asked Jeff, nor did Jeff ever volunteer any information, though he had known the two had kept up their friendship long after he’d gone back to Houston and returned again.  He gleaned bits of information here and there, a bit from Nando when the met, some more from Stacy and the rest he put together from nosing about on his own.  He told himself he was just wanted to make sure Jared was doing all right, but he knew he was kidding himself.  After all the work he’d done on making changes in his life he, at the very least, wanted to thank Jared for giving him the kick in the ass he needed, and if he was lucky, maybe he could get a do over.

Jensen watched as Jared was teacher, mentor and goofy big brother all at the same time to the teens under his supervision.  It was obvious they adored him and he seemed to return their regard in equal measure.  He had a way about him that was easy on the surface, but scratch deep enough below the surface and he could be firm and unyielding.  It was one of the things that Jensen was drawn to. 

He shielded his eyes as the sun glinted off the tiny wakes the boats made in their practice maneuvers.  The good-natured catcalls between the boats reminded him of his own days at race practice, his first crush on a man, his own sailing instructor and the feeling of flight as he became one with his boat, flying across the water, wind in his hair.  Easier times in so many ways, yet he’d never want to go back there, he valued all he learned along the way too much.  It was one of the reasons he was here, waiting patiently for race practice to be over. He had known that Jared would be working that day, and that he wanted to talk to him, but that’s as far as any plan he had went.  So he waited and watched, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

All the boats had been put away, sails folded, equipment stowed.  Race practice had been dismissed a half hour ago and yet the kids still lingered and Jared did nothing to discourage it, answering all there sailing questions with a smile and redirecting more personal questions adeptly.  Jensen made his way down the dock slowly, knowing that the sun behind him gave him more of an element of surprise since Jared wouldn’t be able to make him out until he was practically on top of him.

Only two teens left, still goofing around with the playful posturing between adolescents.  One stumbled back against Jensen, the first that any of them realized someone else was nearby.

“Woah, there fellas, they used to make us white wash the utility sheds if we accidentally knocked club members off the dock,” he said steadying the young man who quickly stammered an apology and dragged his buddy off with a hasty good bye to Jared.

“Jensen?” Jared asked with just a hint of surprise.  “What brings you down?” Extending his hand.  It was warm and as large as Jensen remembered.  He could detect the callus’s that came from sailing everyday with out gloves and he briefly imagined what they would feel like on his body.  That Jared wouldn’t be a glove man made Jensen smile. 

“Hey Jared, it’s good to see you.”  And it was.  Jensen looked him over closely, his hair longer than it had been, the tips lighter where the sun had bleached it, his body seemed bigger, muscles tighter if that was even possible.  He looked good, relaxed, even if there was a hint of uncertainty in seeing Jensen again.  “Guess you noticed I sold the _Bottom Line_.”

“Yup, Nando told me you were selling.  Was surprised it went so quickly, but then again if you want to get rid of something bad enough.”  Jared stopped suddenly as if he just heard what he said.  “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Jensen chuckled and held up his hand, “Relax, I know, not that I didn’t deserve that if you had meant it, but yeah I know you didn’t.  Not your style.”

Jared began to coil some lines that lay at his feet.  “Well you caught me on a good day, I gotta tell you there were a few times, I would have happily given you a few choice words.”  He didn’t look up from his task.

“Well I guess I’m glad that a few months have mellowed you then.  You looked great out there you know.  The kids really like you, and even better they respect you,” Jensen offered.

Jared looked up and tilted his head questioningly, “You come all this way to critique my work?”

So he wasn’t going to make it easy on him.  Jensen had to keep from grinning.  It was a good sign, he was pretty sure it meant that Jared still cared, even if it was just a little.  That’s all he needed, just one little opening. “Nah, I know you’re good.  I took possession of my new boat this afternoon.  I liked the _Bottom Line_ but my heart has always been with sailing so I bought a cruiser-racer and I came down to see her.”

Jared’s eyes widened and he stopped coiling the line in his hand and stared at Jensen quizzically. It was obvious that he’d been taken by surprise.  Deliberately, he began to coil the rope again, finishing it neatly and putting with the other equipment, before finally speaking.  “I’m not sure what you want me to say Jensen.  You’re standing there obviously pleased with yourself, but I’m – I don’t know – unconvinced,” he shrugged.

Jensen gestured to the spot on the bench next to Jared and got a nod of acquiescence.  Sitting, he leaned forward, forearms on his knees as he looked out across the rows of yachts. “That’s fair enough,” he said evenly.  “Look, I know I haven’t given you a lot of reason to trust my motives and I never expected to earn your confidence in a few minutes.  Hell I don’t even know if it’s possible.”  He turned on the bench so he could look at Jared.  “I can tell you I’ve changed and everything that I’ve learned about myself over the last few months, but really I wouldn’t respect you all that much if you just took me at my word.  So here’s the thing Jared.  I really like you and I think that we really did connect out there off the Baja coast.  I’m going to be here a lot getting the boat how I like her, testing her out, doing a few day trips, maybe a couple of overnights.  Who knows, if I can get a crew together I might even race in some of the club regattas.  I do know that I’m going to see you around and I’d love it if you felt comfortable enough to come aboard for a beer after work some time,” he stopped almost as if he ran out of steam, some of his self confidence wavering for a moment.  “And I guess that’s it.”

Jared watched him closely, studying him like he was a complicated map and he needed to find his way from A to B.  “That’s it?  Really?  A beer after work?  Mighty fine speech you gave for just a beer after work,” he said seriously with just the barest thread of teasing underneath.  Jensen grabbed hold before it could be withdrawn.

“Well not it exactly,” Jensen said with a wry smile.

Jared flicked his hair out of his eyes, “Yeah color me surprised, Ackles.  What else?”

Jensen knew it was now or never, he needed to lay it out on the table and let Jared choose.  His throat was parched; the quiet sound of water lapping against the docks pilings wasn’t helping.  “Well I’d love if you came to dinner with me next week.  I want to hear all about your job and everything else you’ve done in the past few months.  I want to tell you about my Dad and what we found out—“

“Wait.  You want to take me to dinner?”

Jensen looked confused momentarily, not really understanding what Jared was getting at. “Yes, dinner.”

“Dinner out?”  Jared was looking at him like he should be testing him for a fever.

“Um yeah, ‘cause me cooking for you would be a disaster.  So yeah out.”

Jared stared off across the water for a moment.  “So out to dinner in town or somewhere out of the way?”

Jensen was getting a little impatient with the questions, still not clear what Jared was getting at.  “Yes Jared dinner out.  I don’t really care where.  Wait that’s not true, I do care.  I’d like to go somewhere decent, but really you can pick, I’d just like to be with you.  Not sure the venue matters that much to me as long as the food is good and the beer is cold.”

Jared started to chuckle, “Dinner out in public at the place of my choosing.  Why Jensen Ackles are you trying to woo me?”

Jensen looked up, startled by the question almost losing focus as he got the full force effect of Jared’s dimples as he grinned at him.  Slowly he let himself smile back, one eyebrow arched, “Woo?  If that’s what the sailors are calling it these days, then yes, I’m looking to woo your ass.”

Jared arched a brow from beneath his windswept hair. 

“Yes and the rest of your gigantic self too,” he added, rolling his eyes as if that even needed to be said.

Jared grinned back at him for a moment before growing serious again. “Honestly Jen, I don’t know if there is anything here or even what’s changed, but let’s just say I’m open to the possibility.”

Jensen wanted to jump up and shout, fist pump the air, hell he wanted to lean over and kiss the shit out Jared, but knew that would have to wait.  Instead, he held out his hand and Jared automatically reached to take it.  The thrill of Jared’s touch, even in a handshake, sent sparks of desire running through his body.  “Here’s to possibility.”

Jared pulled him forward into a half hug and slap on the back.  “Possibilities,” he corrected, his voice rumbling in Jensen’s ear, making his pants tighten as his dick hardened.  Well the time they hadn’t seen each other certainly hadn’t hurt the attraction between them. 

Both men sat back on the bench, the space between them narrowed considerably, but still well within the realm of propriety.  “So tell me all about this new boat of yours,” Jared said steering the conversation back to safer ground. 

It amazed Jensen again how easily their conversation flowed, almost as if they’d never been apart.  He began to tell Jared about his new baby.  She was a sleek 57’ sail boat, sloop rigged, fast enough she’d do well in regattas and point races, but with enough comfort for cruising if he wanted to get away for awhile.  After a few minutes, they got up and strolled down the docks to where she was moored.  Jensen didn’t know what would happen between the two of them, but it felt good to be right here, right now, sharing his excitement with someone, with Jared.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

It was Saturday and Jensen was still few hours away from picking up Jared for dinner.  Jared chose a Mexicali Restaurant near the Yacht club, casual, but upscale enough it wasn’t full of tourists or beach bums.  It had been a week since he’d seen Jared, but they had spoken twice briefly on the phone.  He wasn’t nervous.  He guessed that some part of him thought he should be, but really things couldn’t be worse than they had been so wherever things went, he’d still be ahead. 

Jared buzzed him into the condo and Jensen made his way through the beautiful gardens of the complex to the end unit that was Jared’s.  He knocked and Jared yelled from somewhere inside for him to come in.  Opening the door, he marveled at the warm and relaxed atmosphere Jared managed to create.  The colors reminded him of home; the layout was all about comfort yet very masculine, it would be easy to just sink down into the leather couch and never want to get up.  Having the owner of the place sitting with you wouldn’t hurt either.

Jensen had just made his way past the entryway when Jared joined him.  Fuck he was gorgeous.  Fresh from the shower, his hair mostly dry, but his skin still had that dewy glow.  He came forward and gave Jensen a one armed hug, “Sorry I was running a little behind, the kids had a water fight and it took a little longer than necessary to put everything way.”

Jensen had forgotten how Jared could ramble.  That coupled with the smell of fresh washed Jared, not covered up by any cologne or aftershave was making it hard for him to concentrate on every word.  He was dressed in a white untucked shirt with a grey pattern woven through it, dark almost black jeans, boots and thin strip of leather tied to his wrist that hung below his sleeves that were turned up twice.  It took everything for Jensen not to just stare at his forearms, let alone the rest of him.  The whole package was incredible.  Jared was incredible, but he didn’t need to be reminded of that, Jensen had come to that realization some time ago and regrettably not nearly soon enough.

One of the reasons Jared had chosen the restaurant was because they could walk there.  They sat on the patio overlooking the water, drinking a couple of beers and basking in the sun as it slipped lower on the horizon.  The conversation was easy, they hadn’t really gotten into anything heavy and Jensen hesitated to go there when things were going so well.  When it happened it flowed as natural as the rest of the evening.  Instead of dessert they decided on a walk along the beach.  In the distance they could see the masts of the boats in various marinas and clubs and the talk turned to Jensen’s new baby.

“So did you give her a name yet?”  Jared asked swinging his boots, socks tucked inside, in one hand. 

Jensen, who carried his boots similarly, stopped to sit on a large log that paralleled the beach.  “Yeah I did.  I haven’t told anyone what it is yet,” he said looking up at Jared, motioning him to sit.

“Oh, I didn’t—“

“It’s okay, I want to tell you,” Jensen interrupted,  not wanting him to be uncomfortable.  “No one else really gets what she means to me and you, being a sailor, get it on the same level.”

Jared nodded. It was true.  A sailor never had to explain what it felt like to fly across the water, the spray of the waves, the clang of the halyards against the mast.  Once you experienced it, it was a part of you.  You never lost it no matter how long you were away from it.  Just the smell of the salt on the air was enough to bring it all back.  The name held a special meaning to him and he wondered if Jared would get it too.

“Her name is ‘Both Ends of the Rope’.”  He watched Jared closely.  Knowing the reference wasn’t necessarily common.  “It comes from a saying, ‘it’s like throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope’.  In a way I was drowning in my own life without even knowing it, but she can be my ‘both ends of the rope’ any day.”

Jared nodded “I like it.  Makes sense in a Jensen Ackles kind of way.” He gave Jensen a playful shoulder bump.  “Your dad would have liked it,” he added quietly.

Jensen gave a nod of agreement.  “You were right,” he said with a sigh.  “I really, really tried hard to deny it in every possible way I knew how.  But you were right, I am like my Dad.”

Jared put his hand on Jensen’s thigh, the warmth from his palm seeping through Jensen’s pants.  “You know that’s not a bad thing, right?”

Jensen gave a wry laugh.  “I know that now.”  In the vacuum that formed after he sorted out his dad’s affairs, all he was left with was himself and his own thoughts.  It was scary at first.  He had to sort through anger, grief, even lies that he had told himself so often he thought they were true.  It was as hard as it was necessary for him to be able to move on, to be at peace with his father and with himself.  Locked away with all the mess in his head a few words from Jared surfaced and in a few short minutes, things began to become clearer.  It was time to thank him for that.

“I have you to thank for that you know.”  Jared began to protest and Jensen stopped him, “No really it was.  One night you said to me that ‘a fault was just a strength taken to far’.  I never got that.  It didn’t make sense to me.  And then one day I was struggling with the reality that I had left my family to be my own man, to be something other than like my Dad; only to turn around and end up just like him.  I was angry.  I didn’t want to be like him, I didn’t want to have the same weaknesses and it hurt that you said I was like him.  Those words surfaced from somewhere and quite frankly I was arguing in my head at how stupid they were, when the light bulb went off.

“There was nothing wrong with having the same attributes as my dad; it was up to me how I used them.  I get to choose how far to take a strength, because you’re right, when a strength leads you instead of you using it, it becomes a weakness.”  He felt Jared’s hand leave his thigh and he missed its warmth instantly, only to feel the thrill of it as it snaked around his back and pulled him close.  He lean his head on Jared’s shoulder and continued.  “It was like a huge weight was taken off me.  My Dad’s qualities were no longer a burden, but an asset.  They always had been, I just saw the harm they had done and never looked for the good.  This is my life and I get to choose.”

Jensen felt Jared kiss the top of his head; it was such a small thing yet so intimate.  “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you call him your ‘dad’ and not your ‘father’.  You’re a good man Jensen and so was he,” he whispered into Jensen’s hair.

He finally knew what it meant to give himself to someone without reservation.  It was frightening and yet at the same time, such a fucking high.  It was what he had been living without for so many years.  It was everything.  His heart was pounding so hard in his chest he was sure Jared could feel its vibrations.  He wanted to say it out loud, he wanted to make it real, and scared if he didn’t he’d never get the chance or find the courage again.

“Jared,” he practically whispered, his voice quavering on those two syllables.

Jared kissed him.  So gently, like he was something to be cherished.  “Shhhhh Jen.  We have lots of time.  I’m not going anywhere.  Believe me, I couldn’t if I tried,” he kissed Jensen again, more insistent this time as if he were punctuating his statement emphatically.  They sat together like that as the sun began to touch the water, bathing the beach in pinks and golds with purple shadows.  When they walked back along the beach it was hand in hand, footwear swinging in the other.

They didn’t need a lot of words after that, enjoying their renewed bond and anticipating what was to come.

*~~**~~**~~**~~**~~*

Almost back at Jared’s, Jensen became more anxious – classic over thinking kicking in.  Their shoes back on, they still held hands, Jared pointing out things of interest along the way.  Jensen got lost in his own head, nodding along amiably in the appropriate pauses.  Jared wasn’t fooled, he rarely was.  When Jensen fussed nervously at the door, unsure whether he should come in or not, torn between wanting to take things slow and get them right and jumping in with both feet because he knew it was right.

Jared leaned against the front door, keys in his hand and watched him curiously, head cocked to the side.  Jensen began to stammer how much he enjoyed the evening, when Jared put him out of his misery and pulled him forward and whispered in his ear “You can come in you know.  I don’t want to wait any longer than you do.”

Jensen let out the breath he’d been holding and leaned his forehead on Jared’s shoulder.  “Oh fuck, thank god.”

Jared laughed, the sound rumbled deeply in his chest and vibrated through Jensen.  “But I might have to tan your hide for your salty language,” he said a smile in his voice and promise in the words making Jensen shiver in anticipation.  Jared turned slightly still holding Jensen tight as he fumbled with his keys, getting them into the lock and swinging the door open and them inside with less grace and more enthusiasm.  Once inside, the door shut tight and locked, Jared cupped Jensen’s face in his huge hands and kissed him firmly.  “We’re on the same page here right?” Jared asked, Jensen’s body making it difficult to focus on the question.  Realizing that Jensen’s senses were on overdrive and logic might have a tough time getting through.  He ran his hand along Jensen’s jaw and tipped his chin up so he could look in his eyes when he spoke, “You. Me. Partnership. Long term.”  Jared watched as Jensen’s green eyes blown wide with desire, began to focus and comprehend. 

“Fuck yeah!” He blurted out, the words almost swallowed by Jared as he practically devoured him, not giving an inch he took what he wanted and Jensen gave it willingly.  The months apart did nothing to quench their desires that had run so hot before; tongues, hands, bodies, reacquainting themselves eagerly.

Using his body, hands too busy for the interruption, Jared steered upstairs to his bedroom, clothes melting off both of them along the way, working in unison to deal with buttons and buckles, shirts and shoes.  Breathing seemed immaterial, both men snatching breaths where they could, naked before they hit the bed.  There was no finesse, no seduction; it was animalistic, carnal, an urgent need to claim one another.  They sucked and licked and teased, never staying with one thing too long, prolonging the high of being together again, punctuated by the smell of sex and sweat, the heated skin, and the sounds that split the otherwise silent house.  The slide and slap of skin against skin, grunts of need and moans of want, a sharp intake of breath, keening, whimpering, a wordless chant, a yelp, a howl and then stillness.  Crooning, sighing meaningless murmurs against sweat soaked skin, soft puffs of breath as they drifted to sleep, momentarily sated, but nowhere near done.

Jensen was the first to stir, his arm uncomfortable at an odd angle, his torso glued to Jared’s side by a number of bodily fluids.  Lifting his head from Jared’s chest, he studied the man; his lover in all but the penetrable sense of the word and knew he finally had someone to run to and not something to run from. 

“If you’re thinking again, I didn’t do my job good enough,” Jared said, cracking one eye open and squeezing Jensen’s side where he knew he was the most ticklish, garnering him an undignified squeak and a mock slap to go with it.

“If you can still talk then you have enough energy for round two,” Jensen shot back as he tried to peel himself off Jared’s side, cringing as hairs in sensitive places were pulled sharply.

Jared helped gently separate them. “You know you have to be present for round two,” he said as Jensen eased himself out of the bed, leaving Jared and his puppy-dog eyes looking incredibly tempting in the bed.

“I also need to be hydrated for round two and something wet and warm that removes bodily fluids, not adds to them, would benefit both of us.”  Jensen said as he made his way to what could only be an en suite. 

“In that case, maybe some dessert we passed up on at the restaurant is in order, you know just for added sustenance.  Would want you fainting for any reason other than I fucked you senseless, you know.”  He shrugged and tossed Jensen a clean face cloth from the linen closet as he leaned in the doorjamb, completely naked and unabashedly so.  Jensen knew he was staring.  It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen Jared naked before, hadn’t admired the cut of his abs, the jut of his dick, even only half hard, but this was different.  This Jared was more, this Jared was his.  He couldn’t stop staring.

“You know it helps when you put your hand under the water, to get the cloth wet,” His Jared said, moving from the doorframe and nudging his hand under the running water, where it had frozen while he was staring.  “I don’t mind you know,” he breathed into Jensen’s ear, staring back at him through the bathroom mirror, “the staring.  I kind of like it.  Makes me want to do this.” He bracketed Jensen’s body against the counter with his own, arms on either side as he opened his mouth against his neck, teeth tenderly running along the tendon to where it joined the shoulder and bit down gently.  Jensen gasped and pressed backward, Jared’s hardening dick blindly seeking the cleft of Jensen’s ass. 

“What about food?”  Jensen managed to get out before moaning beneath the Jared’s insistent hands, mouth and dick.

“You start the shower and I’ll grab two slices of chocolate cake and a big-ass bottle of water.”  He slap Jensen’s ass smartly as he left, snapping him out of his pleasure haze long enough to start the shower, a large three-sided slate walk-in with a glass front and door and three showerheads and a small stone bench at one end.  By the time he found two clean towels and got the temperature just right Jared was back.  “Fuck the slices, I just brought the whole thing,” he said setting down a platter with a beautiful chocolate cake covered in dark chocolate ganache, two forks clattering onto the vanity next to it. 

“Tell me you did not bake that yourself.  It’s amazing,” he said, grabbing a fork and shoveling a huge mouthful into his face. 

“Nice.  Guess the romance is out the window already.”  Jared used his thumb to wipe a glob of chocolate from the corner of Jensen’s mouth, before pressing it in for him to lick off.  Jensen sucked the thumb clean with enthusiasm, eyes at half-mast as Jared brought their bodies together again.  Still watching Jensen, he reached blindly for the cake.  Two fingers full of decadent cake met Jensen’s mouth, pink tongue reaching eagerly for its prize.  With a groan, he took the fingers into his mouth and sucked them clean.  Jared turned Jensen so he could reach behind him for more cake with his other hand.  The shower, forgotten, continued to run. In their haste, sticky and sweet chocolate smears obscene and delicious fell between them, in their dance of give and take.  Jared couldn’t resist devouring Jensen’s mouth, his fingers still inside, his tongue chasing after them.  Their cocks trapped between their abs, anxious to be in on the action, leaked their enthusiasm.

Jared used his chocolate covered hand to grip their girths tightly together not giving either of them what they needed, just gently pulsing them in his fist, driving them both crazy.  Jensen rocked his hips forward in an effort to get something, anything more.  Jared kissed him, sucking the chocolate off his bottom lip and giving it a nip for good measure.  Slipping his other hand between them, Jared gave Jensen’s balls a tug, making sure he couldn’t come, but making him ache with wanting to.  “Let’s finish this in the shower before the water runs cold,” he murmured into Jensen’s mouth, not yet willing to let go of any part of him.  They sidestepped in an awkward dance into the shower, the water barely beginning to wash the remaining chocolate from them when Jared dropped gracefully to his knees, and swallowed Jensen whole.  The only reason Jensen was still standing was the fact that Jared had one hand firmly planted on the small of his back and the other still gripping his dick. 

He worked him hard and fast, reaching down frequently to cup his balls and tug them gently, never failing to make Jensen’s hips jerk forward, pressing his cock in further, until finally he couldn’t hold back any more and he spilled in long jets down Jared’s throat.  He gulped to keep up, excess sliding from his lips as Jensen watched.  Even with Jared’s hair plastered to his forehead from the water Jensen had never seen anything more gorgeous.  Before his legs could stop trembling, Jared gently turned him to face the wall.  Hands braced and legs spread, his cheeks were spread wide and Jared’s thick thumb dipped between them to press the remaining traces of chocolate against his pucker.  Following with his tongue, Jensen groaned and pushed back wanting more contact and scarcely believing his dick was contemplating hardening for the third time that night. 

Jared was relentless, tongue delving in deep before coming out to trace delicately around the edges as his fingers took their turn.  Instinctively Jensen’s hips twitched, searching greedily for more and earning him a sharp smack and a curt ‘don’t move’.  With every swipe of his tongue, each press of a finger or two, Jensen struggled to remain still.  He was moaning constantly now, his neck arched back like he was howling at the moon.  “I’m gonna fuck this ass,” Jared breathed into his hole.  Jensen wondering if he’d just imagined the words, some water drenched audible wishful thinking, when it happened again.  “I’m gonna open you up so wide and ride you hard,” 

  

  1. Giving it a bit more attention, then reaching down to tug gently on his balls and rinsing them off, he propelled Jensen out of the shower and into a dry warm towel, before he could gather his thoughts.
  



Still damp he found himself face down on the bed, legs spread wide and held in place by Jared’s sizeable hands.  Heated breath against his damp skin sent shivers up his back, seconds before he felt the slight rasp of Jared’s stubble slide down his crack, chin dividing the globes until he was buried face deep.  Jensen jerked and received a sharp smack on one cheek, “Stay still,” he growled making Jensen still instantly, fighting for control as Jared drove his tongue back into his hole, until he was shaking with need. 

Sensing that Jensen was losing control, Jared soothed him, running his hands gently up his thighs, pulling up so that the mix of sensations eased.  He slid up until he was covering Jensen’s body with his own, holding him to the bed and keeping him still. Pressing Jensen’s hands to the mattress with his own, he nuzzle Jensen’s ear.  “Stop fighting it,” he whispered.  “Let me take you there.  Let go and just feel.”  Beneath him Jensen tensed and began breathing rapidly.

“I don’t know how,” he whispered, embarrassed.

Jared gentled him with one hand, like a frightened animal, until the rigidity left his body.  “Trust me?” He asked softly, determined to go on, knowing that Jensen needed this.  Needed to let go and know he wouldn’t be judged, there would be no critique at the end, nothing to be measured against.  He needed to know that giving himself didn’t mean losing who he was.

“Yes,” Jensen answered, his voice barely audible.  All the urgency of earlier had faded into the background until all that was left was the two of them breathing as one, nothing else mattered.  Just them.  Together.  Now.

“Just breathe, Jensen.  Let go and just breathe,” Jared said, tracing patterns into Jensen’s skin with his tongue.  Slowly he felt the tension leave Jensen’s body as he moved back down to his gorgeous ass, grabbing condoms and lube along the way.

Jensen concentrated on his breathing, then on Jared’s tongue and before he knew it he felt as if he were floating outside himself.  He just felt.  Everything.  Every sensation was amplified.  Every swipe of Jared’s tongue, as it caught each ridge of his pucker seemed bigger than life.  His body opened to Jared, a symphony of sensitivity.  The heat and stretch, the slide, sweat trickle, brush of hair, graze of stubble; Jared played his body and made it sing.  The entire time, Jared whispered into his skin, murmured encouragement, praised him.  Jensen felt revered, nothing like he’d ever experienced before.  Jared moved him, manhandled him into position and he let him.  Whatever he wanted to do was just fine with Jensen, just as long as he didn’t stop.  Ever.

Nips turned to bites; caresses to pinches or smacks and Jensen reveled in the sting followed by a soothing kiss or touch.  He began to arch into each slap, his ass starting to burn, increasing his need until he realized he was keening, face turned, sheet wet beneath him.

He never heard the condom open or even felt the coolness of the lube.  He was open and so ready that when Jared sizable dick breached his opening all he could do was moan and press back eagerly.  Jared pulled him to his knees and gripped his hips tightly.  “I’m going to fuck you now Jen.  I’m gonna make you scream.  Shoot so hard you black out, but not ‘til I say, Jen.  Can you do that for me Jensen, can you?”  Jensen moaned and Jared took that as a ‘hell yeah’ and began to move in a punishing rhythm, plowing into Jensen so hard he moved up the bed with every thrust.

Jensen clenched and unclenched his fists.  So full, his ass on fire, his hole stretched tight around Jared’s girth. He filled himself with Jared, breathed him in. He could feel Jared everywhere; covering him, holding him tightly, pushing deeper than anything Jensen had ever known. The edges of his vision blurred as everything else faded away, everything but Jared’s touch, his smell, the sensations he was creating in Jensen, There was nothing else, but the two of them, until they blended together and became one. His body on fire, it sparked and sputtered, it reached farther and soared higher than Jensen had known he could go and yet he wanted more, wanted everything. He trusted Jared to get him there, to give him what needed, what he craved and he let everything else go.  Jared sensed the last resistance seep from Jensen, felt him give himself over completely.  He pulled him up so he was kneeling, barely breaking his rhythm.  Holding Jensen upright, one hand slipping beneath his arm and across his chest, the other reached for Jensen’s cock, holding it loosely not giving him quite what he needed just yet. 

Jensen’s head lolled back onto Jared’s shoulder, exposing his neck to Jared’s mouth and the dirty, dirty words that slipped out and etched into his skin.  Jared plucked at Jensen’s nipples, rolled them with his fingertips, making them sting, then ache.  His dick throbbed in Jared’s hand, jerking when Jared slid down to tugged on his balls, squeezing them gently, till they pulled up tight to his body.  He was close, so fucking close, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t; he’d given everything over to Jared, even this.

Jared marveled at Jensen, knew he was close, was so close to being out of control and teetering close to careening over the edge, but still hanging on, giving that final bit of control to Jared.  Trusting him.  Jared grabbed his dick and pumped it hard and fast, while he snapped his hips even faster, pushing deeper.  “Come for me Jensen, come now!”  With that he bit down on the join of Jensen’s shoulder pushing him over with a wail, ropes of come striping his chest and the bed as his hole clenched Jared’s dick so hard he came with a shout filling the condom. 

Jensen went limp in his arms, breathless, as Jared lowered them both to the bed, letting himself slip free, holding the condom, tying it off and throwing it toward the waste basket.  With care, he moved Jensen onto his side, away from the mess they had made, tenderly brushing back the hair from his forehead and using a tissue to wipe him down.  Kissing Jensen’s temple, he drew patterns into his skin, watching him reverently.

Jensen slowly became aware of his surroundings, Jared the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes.  Content in Jared’s arms, he smiled and closed his eyes as his brain caught up with what happened in the past few hours and suddenly his heart rate increased and his cheeks warmed at the recollection.

Jensen knew he could lie there and analyze what just happened; he could crawl so deep in his head and try to dissect what it all meant or he could allow himself to be embarrassed by his own submission.  He could do any one of those things, but he wasn’t going to.  Not tonight anyway.  Instead he took comfort in Jared’s embrace, in everything they shared.  He had just had the most mind-blowing experience of his life, with a man he trusted like no one else he’d ever known.  He wasn’t going to ruin that with over thinking everything.  They would have plenty of time to figure it all out later and after everything else that had happened Jensen knew that they would. 

Right now all Jensen wanted to do was savor the warm glow that surrounded them, his ass still burning with heat of Jared’s hand and the stretch of his dick.  Jensen flushed at the memory.

“You know when you blush your freckles stand out more, it’s the cutest thing,” Jared whispered giving him a playful squeeze and kissing him on the nose.  The light from the bathroom filled the room in more shadow than light but those freckles called to Jared like a beacon.  They had always mesmerized him, more than once drawing his attention when Jensen wasn’t looking.  He found them endearing. 

“You do realize that I’m not actually a girl,” Jensen grouched, burying his face into Jared’s chest, enjoying the good-natured teasing.  It made everything seem normal, when the feelings he had inside were ready to all but burst out of his chest, and spill like quicksilver from his lips.

Jared chuckled in his ear and reached down to stroke his ass; still warm from the attention it had been given.  “Oh trust me, I’m more than aware and deeply appreciate your many manly charms.  In fact, if I wasn’t afraid we’d both spontaneously combust, I’d suggest that I’d show just how much I appreciate and respect your manliness,” he said, one long finger finding it’s way to tap softly on his hole, still puffy from their previous efforts.  Jensen’s dick gave a halfhearted twitch, more for effect than anything else.

Jared turned him so he couldn’t hide his face any more and began to kiss him in earnest; both eyelids, down his jaw line to his lips, lush and swollen.  Jensen groaned with approval and kissed back gladly.  These kisses were different than the hurried passionate ones earlier; these were slow and reverential, before Jared stopped, thumbing Jensen’s lower lip thoughtfully.  “I love how responsive you are, how you gave it all up to me.  Fuck Jensen do you even know how hot that was.  I thought I was going to black out right along with you when I came.”  Jared breathed into his skin, pressed so close their hearts echoed each other, their legs tangled together.  “You amaze me Jensen.  You have such strength and I’m so humbled that you gave that over to me.  I’ll never betray that.  Never.” He declared vehemently. 

Jensen opened his eyes and looked directly into Jared’s.  Every question he had, every concern he never voiced, was answered in their hazel depths.  As their eyes locked, there wasn’t anything that needed to be said in that moment.  Jensen closed the distance first and they resumed their unhurried kisses, murmuring endearments until they both fell asleep, bathroom light, still on and forgotten, giving both men an angelic glow.


	15. Chapter 15

 

Jared watched Jensen check and double check all the details; enough beer in the coolers in the back yard, charcoal lit in anticipation of steaks and prawns, enough plates, napkins and glasses on the already heavily laden table.  If he hadn’t come to know Jensen so well in the last month and half he would think that he was nervous about introducing him to his friends and co-workers instead of just prepping in Jensen fashion for the 4th of July party.  Jensen was a bit of a perfectionist, he liked to plan for every contingency -- he would have been an awesome boy scout – always prepared.  He still liked to be in control and Jared didn’t mind.  It was good actually, because the when the tables were turned, it was fantastic.  He knew that often when they were alone, he could make Jensen let go of all the details, hand over control to him and Jared would make them both fly.  Right now, ‘in control Jensen’ was just fine with him.

“You could help you know,” Jensen huffed, when Jared flicked him playfully with the edge of a tea towel.  He was checking on how many spare towels he might need for guests that might want to take a dip in the pool, reaching high up in the linen closet, the hem of his shirt riding up and showing a golden sliver of skin that Jared couldn’t resist flicking.

“Yeah but you still check everything after I’ve done it anyway.  This is much more fun,” he slid his hand up the back of Jensen’s shirt and nibbled his neck.  Jensen leaned back into his touch briefly before becoming efficient again, moving the towels to the back yard with Jared trailing behind.

“You just like distracting me,” he grumbled, not really all that put out.  He was more than aware of his need to have everything just so.  He was more than appreciative for everything Jared had done to help, from scrubbing down the patio furniture, to cleaning the grill and making a last minute trip to the store for limes that somehow went missing.  He knew he was in ‘final touches’ mode and the fact that Jared wasn’t bothered by it made it all the better.  It was the first time he was going to introduce Jared to his friends and some of the gang from the office. 

Jeff knew about them, had from almost the start, but he’d never been out with them as a couple.  It was a sort of coming out for them in an odd sort of way.  Not because Jared was a guy, though not everyone knew he was gay, it was more that no one had ever seen him as one half of a pair.  He wasn’t concerned, he was just curious about how everyone was going to fit together.  He could tell he was losing himself to thought again, because every time he had during the afternoon, Jared would gently pull him out of it by gentle teasing or playful kisses.  He could feel Jared come up behind and he smiled as hands slid around him in an embrace.  “I think someone’s here,” Jared purred in his ear.  “You ready?”

Jensen turned his head and kissed his lover.  “More than,” he said, their eyes locking together, ready for whatever came next.


	16. Epilogue

Diamonds of sunlight danced across the waves split by the yacht as she sliced through the water.  Even the wind was warm as her sails pulled taught pushing her ever faster.  Jared manned the helm, his hair still a little too long, ends curling up at his shoulders, bangs blown haphazardly across his brow.  He stood with one leg planted on the leeward seat of the cockpit compensating for the heel of the boat as she tacked up wind. 

They made this trip down the Baja coast, retracing their maiden voyage in reverse and back again, twice before.  The boat loved to be out on the ocean like this, with little to no traffic on the water, the coastline close enough to see the endless beaches, but far enough away to protect their privacy if they wanted to have a mid-sail grope.  Jensen loved these moments, watching Jared in his element, from behind the book he pretended to read.

He wasn’t fooling anyone.  It was a game they played; Jensen read or played his guitar and watched Jared surreptitiously and Jared gave him a show, subtly, drawing out the game until Jensen was so hot he practically tackled him right there.  Sometimes they played captain and cabin boy, others Jared put the autopilot on and dropped to his knees and sucked Jensen fast and furiously, ripping the orgasm from him before he had a chance to use a bookmark.  Sex was never boring with them from straight up vanilla or with a dash or dollop of kink mixed in.  Whether it was the freedom of being out on the water or if was that they were far enough from any disruptions, Jensen didn’t know, but out here sex took on a special significance for them.  It was a time to reconnect, a time to remember what almost wasn’t and a time to look toward the future. 

The last five years had brought change for both of them; the good tempered with things they had to work a little harder at to make work.  After the first year as a couple they bought a place they could call theirs together.  Moving in together was a logical step and one that neither had taken lightly.  Like any relationship there were compromises and adjustments, but never at the cost of things either man valued.  Arguments were respectful and never devolved into name-calling or petty shots.  It wasn’t perfect, but it was good and it worked because they worked at it. 

In their first year living together, Jensen found that the rigors of his career along with the oversight of Ackles Engineering back in Houston was becoming unworkable.  After a month or two of fretting on his own trying to find a solution, Jared took matters into his own hands and they had their first weekend of more formal dominance and submission.  They had dabbled in kink from the start, exploring their likes and dislikes, but never moving toward anything formal.  When Jensen was turning himself inside out with trying to juggle too many things and became more and more stressed, Jared thought it the perfect way to give Jensen something he was denying himself – the right to let go of control.

Jensen spent the weekend not having to think about anything about his pleasure and Jared’s pleasure.  Having his world shrink to just having to feel and breathe and be, was amazing.  Jared took him to a place he’d never gone before; he flew so high and Jared was there to make sure he never crashed.  At the end of the weekend Jensen realized that something had to give and began to make changes.  First he further restructured his share of the business with Jeff so that he retained a third of the shares and managing director title with fewer hours.  He reduced his business trips to Houston from two days once a month to a week once a quarter.  The reduction in travel time worked much better and it gave him several evenings to fit in time with his family when he was there.  The adjustments worked wonders and those times that pressure began to build in Jensen’s world Jared knew just how to reduce the stress and get him refocused that had both of them looking forward to it. 

Jensen had to adjust himself as he remembered that weekend and all the ones that came after.  A small smirk crept across his face remembering that some times he wasn’t quite as stressed as he pretended to be, he was pretty sure that Jared knew that too.  It was a signal that Jensen just needed something more intense right then and Jared was more than happy to oblige.

Jared trimmed the sail, glancing up at Jensen knowingly.  “You look like you’re having naughty thoughts Jensen,” he said with a wink that Jensen replied with a grin.  Jared had a knack of knowing when he was turned on, hell he knew whatever Jensen was feeling.  It should make him squirm more, but really it was comforting.  When Jared once said, ‘I know you, Jensen’ he really did and that was just fine with him.  “You’re lucky this wind is as brisk as it is or I’d throw it into autopilot and fuck you silly right here on the deck.”

“You just keep sailing and I’ll keep thinking dirty thoughts and when it’s time to drop anchor I’ll be primed and ready to go,” Jensen said playfully.

Jared snorted, “Like you ever need priming.”  Jared was right, but he’d been on a winning streak for that last couple of years so Jensen gave him a pass. 

In fact Jared was having more than a winning streak, while Jensen’s career had changed significantly, so had Jared’s.  His work at the LBYC had produce two Olympic class sailors and one Junior World Champion.  The youth program had taken off and Jared had become the hottest coach on the West Coast.  Jensen couldn’t be more proud.  Jared was amazing with the kids; he could be dorky and kidlike one minute and focused and encouraging the next.  Of course it made Jensen’s boat ineligible for local regattas unless heavily handicapped if he had Jared as part of his crew, but he didn’t mind.  They still participated; the thrill of competition ran strongly through both of them and first over the line was still first even if the handicap would put them near the middle of the pack in the results. 

Their circle of friends had incorporated people from both sides of their relationship as well as some new ones they met together. Every year their circle seemed to grow larger as friends got married and then had children.  Both Jared and Jensen had become Uncles, two nieces and a nephew between them were loved and spoiled by them.  Children were something both men wanted, but they hadn’t really discussed the when or how, thus far being content in just being a couple.  Jensen’s family had adored Jared from the start, which left Jensen feeling slightly off balance after all the years of his sexuality being left unspoken.  With his southern manners and adorable smile Jared had them eating out of his hands before they had offered him a sweet tea.  Jensen flushed with pride when he thought of how quickly Jared had won them over. 

Jared’s family adored Jensen just as much, but Jensen still struggled with the acceptance and love they showed him.  He wanted nothing more than to always be worthy of it and worked much harder than he needed to for their approval.  Jared grumbled that he was going to make him wear a cock ring the entire time during their next visit so he’d have something else to think about, but in truth, he understood and adored Jensen for it.  Jared’s threat of Jensen in a cock ring for an entire weekend wasn’t wasted; Jensen remembered fondly, they had put it into practice more than once.

Jensen adjusted himself again.  Dominant Jared was hot and their kink play had grown from a once in while thing to more of a regular one.  Jared still loved it when he would turn the tables and become the aggressor, fucking him with such control that it drove Jared crazy until slowly Jensen started to lose control and he ended up pounding into Jared until they both lost it.  They had so many ‘toys’ that that they had bought a dresser just for them.  Jared had even joked they should turn one of the spare rooms into a playroom of sorts.  Jensen’s cock twitched at the thought.  He wondered if he’d ever stop getting aroused when thinking of the things they’d done or when he looked forward to things they would do. 

He sat in the cockpit, his book forgotten and images of their life together and their future flashed through his mind.

Jared watched as Jensen zoned out, smiles and obvious arousal had changed into furrowed brows and intense concentration.  He was so lost in thought that he missed the fact that Jared had sailed into a remote cove, furled the sails and dropped the anchor.  Leaving the mainsail bunched over the boom he slid between Jensen’s knees and kissed him.  “You look like you’re thinking about some pretty heavy stuff. Can I help?” 

Jensen was startled that they had dropped anchor and had no idea that Jared had noticed anything had changed, but then again he wasn’t surprised.  “Nothing’s wrong,” he said, because there really wasn’t, he was just trying to figure out how all the pieces of their life were going to fit together in the future. He hadn’t really thought about it before as a whole, just the sum of it’s parts and now he was wondering if all the things they both wanted were really going to fit in their lives.  “I’m just trying to work something out.”

Jared nodded looking as if whatever chapter of the playbook Jensen was working from Jared had already memorized and moved a few chapters forward.  Before Jensen could comment on the look, Jared leaned forward and kissed him soundly, adding a nipple tweak to the mix before responding.  “How about this, I’ll give you until after dinner to work it out, after that we work it out together.”  Jensen nodded, he could do that.  “Ok, then get up and help me fold the mainsail, then you can stow the gear for the night and I’ll whip up some dinner.”

Dinner was a quiet affair, Jensen was still lost in thought and Jared was giving him the space to work out whatever he needed to.  Jared sent him to have a quick shower while he cleaned up after dinner giving Jensen a few more minutes to think.  When he was finished he took a quick shower to wash the salt and grime of the day away before he went above deck, two beers in hand.

Jared handed him a beer as they sat out on the deck, the warm summer evening a nice break from the heat of the day.  “So you ready to spill or do I break out the toys and we work it out a different way?”  He watched with a grin as Jensen nearly choked on his beer.

“Fuck Jared!  Not everything has to be worked out with toys or kink you know.  We are adult enough to work through issues without resorting to sex as a distraction,” he would have gone on but he realized that instead of being affronted by Jensen’s tirade, Jared was laughing.  “What?  This isn’t funny Jared.  What if we had a kid, we can’t just break out the whips and chains every time we have a difference in parenting.”  By this time there were tears rolling down Jared’s face and no sound was coming out of his mouth he was laughing so hard.  “This isn’t funny Jared. I’m serious.”

Jared put out a conciliatory hand, and tried valiantly to catch his breath.  “I’m sorry.  Jen.  You just get yourself so wound up I didn’t realize you wouldn’t catch on that I was joking.  For the most part.”

 

Jensen hated to be laughed at and the only thing that kept him from being truly pissed off at Jared was that he knew Jared would never do anything to intentionally hurt him.  It was annoying that Jared usually was a few steps ahead of him when it came to working out things in their relationship, but in the end it balanced out with Jared being a few steps behind when it came to handling the finances or anything related to time management.  Like any team they had strengths that complemented each other.  Pretty hard to stay bothered about something that made you a better person and a better couple.

“So what, you know what I’m worried about?”  Jensen asked with one eyebrow raised not letting him off too easily.  Jared slid behind his lover wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on his shoulder.  It was a familiar arrangement for them, with Jared just as comfortable being held as being the one doing the holding.  As in most things in their relationship, there was a balance of power and a sharing of strengths. 

“Not so much know, but suspect,” Jared said rubbing Jensen’s arms.  Jensen leaned back into him, settling in comfortably, he’d long stopped being nervous about discussing their relationship.  They’d been through enough to know how each other dealt with things and wherever the conversation went from there, they would get there together.

“How can you suspect when it just crossed my radar today?” he asked rhetorically, shaking his head.  He knew that if Jared said it was true and as much as it wouldn’t surprise him, it always surprised him.

“I could be wrong,” he started to say before Jensen interrupted good-naturedly. 

“You’re not wrong.  You’ve pulled this shit on me far too many times for me to know you’re not wrong.  So spill.”

Jared kissed his cheek and squeezed him tight.  “Well it’s just deductive reasoning really.  We’re at a point in our relationship, we’re settled, we have a place, we’ve worked out most of our living together shit and it’s kind of at that ‘what’s next’ stage.”  Jensen nodded in agreement urging him to continue.  “We never really talked about kids other than we both want them some day and I think it’s time we talked about that.”

Jensen’s heart swelled, Jared did know and once again they were on the same page.  Well almost.  “You got most of it,” he said gleefully, making sure to emphasize ‘most’. 

Jared placed a finger to his lips, gently shushing him.  “Not done yet Jen,” he said wrapping his big hands around Jensen’s wrists and holding them tight.  “You’re having trouble trying to imagine how it will all fit together.  Us being parents with the kind of play we sometimes do in the bedroom.  How can we have this,” he said pinning Jensen’s wrists in one hand and biting down gently on his neck, “with that,” he said meaning being parents. 

Jensen trembled in his arms, the feeling of being so understood and cared for at the same time.  He melted.  “Jensen we can have it all.  We don’t have to choose one or the other.  There are so many couples out there that play and are incredible parents.  I’m pretty sure there are even support groups,” he added with a chuckle. 

Jensen laughed, knowing Jared he probably already had a list of websites and a handful of pamphlets.  “I just couldn’t figure out how it would all work and was really worried that we would have to give it up.  I don’t want to give it up.”

“We don’t have to give it up, Jen.  Think about it.  Being so in touch with our needs and the needs of one another, won’t that make us better parents?  The fact that I know when you need to have control taken away from you so you can let go, doesn’t that make us a better team?  Jen, it makes us better.  Sure we’ll have to keep things locked up and be careful to pick our times, but we don’t have to give it up Jen.”  Jared had let go of his wrists and turned him around so that they were facing each other.  Jensen’s smile said it all and he reached up to kiss Jared, letting him know just how right he was.

“So we gonna do this?”  Jensen said, hands on Jared’s ass pulling him in tight so their arousals pressed closely together.  “And just to be clear, by this I mean have a kid, but I’m open to this,” he said grinding their dicks together, “too.”

Jared threw his head back and laughed any residual tension or concern falling off either of them.  When he was done he rested his forehead against Jensen’s and stared into those beautiful green eyes that he loved.  “Let’s have a kid,” he said, before sealing it with another kiss that started gentle with a pledge and grew in passion of everything their future held.

~~fini~~

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for making it this far! I’ve just realized that a lot of my slashiest stories take root when I’m on vacation. Hmmmmm. Anyway this one started out one day sitting in the marina in Cabo, watching the people and the incredible yachts and I thought how cool it would be if Jared was a yacht captain and over lunch the darn thing germinated and I spent the rest of my Mexican vacation wearing slash sunglasses.
> 
> As the story grew I kept coming back to sailing, well, because it was my first love. I grew up sailing, going to sailing school every summer and hanging out at the yacht club getting into trouble. There is something about the wind and the water that calls to me and just the smell of salt water reminds me of those days. Jared and Jensen could easily have been one of my instructors -- damn if only!
> 
> As most of my stories, this one certainly didn’t go in the direction I thought it would, but hey that’s all part of the ride. Hope you were entertained and thanks for reading. rb


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